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• 05 Jan, 2026 *

Before getting diagnosed with ADHD, I struggled a lot with self-doubt and -loathing for not being as “productive” or quick with assignments as my friends/classmates who I thought could “multitask”. Like Pirate, this led me down a productivity rabbit hole as a freshman that I didn’t recover from for a long time after. I kept trying new things, different techniques and methods to finish quicker (or at all), where researching said tips and implementing them used up more mental energy that I could’ve spent on actually doing the thing I was trying to do. But they gave me the illusion of trying and, I guess, that’s what I (and probably many in my shoes) needed at the time.

I am very sensitive to light and sound, but I disregarded my bodily needs. “My friends can be in a Discord voice chat while doing X for school, I should be able to do that, too”, I would tell myself. Little did I know that none of them was really doing their work as well as I’d liked mine done. Despite trying to fit in and remain “competitive” in my productivity, I had high standards for grades while feeling entitled to more faster in the hope of attaining some more free time. I would try to listen to music (a favorite pastime activity of mine) while writing essays for school. And then I’d wonder why an 800 word text would take me the whole day. My mind just can’t handle the constant switching between two activities that both demand my attention to differing degrees, and I doubt anyone really can, anyway. I intentionally left the productivity cult shortly after my diagnosis because I realized there was no fixing what my body can’t do. I shouldn’t have needed a clinical diagnosis to realize that, but there’s no changing the past. Eventually, I started respecting my needs of low light, no noise and enjoying one activity at a time.

All my optimization was pointless because my school schedule and my teachers’ demands had no intention of giving me any free time if I planned on never intentionally missing submission deadlines. That is, I believe, the crux of the issue fueling the productivity culture we have. We individualize the solution to a problem that is imposed on us collectively. There is no fixing what every teacher expects and is expected to expect from every student at the individual level. Likewise, there is no task management routine that will fix what employers expect from their employees. Yet, people try because some make it within this system and they attribute their not making it to personal failure when it isn’t.

Being a college student, I’m more in control of my time, but that will likely be the only phase in my life where I will be. Overall, I’m studying less for my college classes than what I did in school, while attaining enough credits and my desired grades. I still procrastinate and I still get sidetracked chatting on Discord instead of studying. But I’m human and I keep that in mind. Being sidetracked is my cue for taking a break away from my laptop or phone. Sometimes our brains just need to do nothing and that’s okay.