• 12 Dec, 2025 *

Made it another year.

Decided to celebrate by upgrading my Bearblog account. I’ve blogged almost every day since I moved from Neocities, which seems to me a sign that it’s time to commit.

The one thing that has me a bit gunshy about the upgrade is the discoverability. It’s been nice writing knowing that no one is going to read it. This being the post I chose to upload after upgrading, I’m hyperaware of the fact that I could lose my anonymity if I write candidly about my age, and how I’m feeling about it, and what it means when I compare it to the years that came before it.

Anonymity is important to me right now. With everything going on in the world, and governments trying to invade Internet users’ privacy in the name of "protecting children," I want to keep as much of myself offline as possible. This might be baggage leftover from my pre-diagnosis days, when my symptoms were perceived as moral failings by people in positions of authority, like my parents or my professors or my psychiatrist. It’s been months since I got rid of my smartphone and moved to a rugged "dumb phone," I’ve successfully de-Googled my workflow, and I’ve completely left Windows for Linux. I have a lot of baggage to work through, and that is not what this blog is for.

One of the reasons I value my privacy so heavily: I’m a gay man in a state that has increasingly draconian anti-LGBT laws. I’m not on any social media, and my circle of friends has shrunk so significantly that I can count the number of people I talk to in a week on one hand, not including my sister with whom I live. Mental illness is another reason. It’s not something I choose to publicly blog about, but living with ADHD and a psychotic disorder, it’s better for me to have speed bumps between the thought and the publication.

The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are. – Carl Jung

That said, I am glad to be here. The lack of engagement algorithms and absence of a recommendation engine is like a breath of fresh air, and it’s heartening to see that most of the people who are posting regularly are similarly privacy-oriented. It feels like I learn something new about what’s capable with technology every time I check the Discover feed. I come onto the Internet to read other people’s thoughts. It’s hard to get that on sites like Tumblr or Neocities, where everyone is cultivating an image.

Here, it feels like so long as I am careful about what I divulge, I can be honest and anonymous at the same time.

At this point, I can’t answer "Who are you?" I’m a guy self-studying computer science and learning to program computer games. I’m prone to falling down rabbit holes. I’m disabled. I’m an introvert and a loner. And today I am turning an insignificant age. Not a milestone, but a continuation. The last time I had a birthday, I felt as if I had finally become who I truly am. I am able to be honest with myself, if I cannot be honest with anyone else.

Tomorrow will be more of the same. Today is more of the same. But I wanted to acknowledge that I am a year older today, and I didn’t think I would make it this far. It’s nice to prove myself wrong, occasionally.