- 14 Dec, 2025 *
2025 is almost over and i’m looking back at my gym attempts like they’re some kind of annual tradition. january 2021: signed up, lasted three weeks. january 2022: signed up again, made it to february. 2023: didn’t even bother. 2024: tried in march after a bad photo, quit by april.
each time follows the same pattern. feel optimistic, go hard for two weeks, something in my shoulder or lower back starts hurting, push through because "no pain no gain," actually injure myself, stop going, feel like shit about myself.
for the longest time i genuinely thought i was just weak. like fundamentally not built for physical activity. my friends would talk about their gym routines and i’d nod along but internally i was thinking "yeah but you’re different, your body can han…
- 14 Dec, 2025 *
2025 is almost over and i’m looking back at my gym attempts like they’re some kind of annual tradition. january 2021: signed up, lasted three weeks. january 2022: signed up again, made it to february. 2023: didn’t even bother. 2024: tried in march after a bad photo, quit by april.
each time follows the same pattern. feel optimistic, go hard for two weeks, something in my shoulder or lower back starts hurting, push through because "no pain no gain," actually injure myself, stop going, feel like shit about myself.
for the longest time i genuinely thought i was just weak. like fundamentally not built for physical activity. my friends would talk about their gym routines and i’d nod along but internally i was thinking "yeah but you’re different, your body can handle this."
the worst part wasn’t even the physical pain. it was convincing myself this time would be different, that i just needed more discipline. and then failing again and adding another tally mark to my internal "things i can’t stick with" list.
someone at the gym mentioned my squat form looked off a few months ago. not in a mean way, just casual. he suggested getting a trainer. i looked up prices. $80 to $120 per session. yeah, not happening.
tried youtube videos but honestly couldn’t tell if i was replicating it right. started using gymscore on my phone because it was cheaper than a single training session and i was desperate. still feels weird setting up my phone at the gym. but it showed me just how off everything was. like embarrassingly off. stuff i thought i was doing right was completely wrong.
been going for a few months without injuring myself which is new. still don’t love it. still have to drag myself there most days. but at least i’m not in that loop of thinking something’s fundamentally wrong with me.
the thing that pisses me off is how long i spent blaming myself for what was basically just not knowing how to do a squat properly. like years of thinking i was weak when really my knees were just caving in.
anyway. 2026 might actually be different. not because i suddenly became disciplined or whatever, but because i’m not destroying my body every time i show up.