Published on December 12, 2025 1:11 AM GMT

Introduction

In China, during the Spring and Autumn period (c. 770-481 BCE) and the Warring States period (c. 480-221 BCE) different schools of thought flourished: Confucianism, Legalism, Mohism, and many more. So many schools of thought were there, that it is now referred to as the period of the “Hundred Schools of Thought.” Eventually, the Warring States period ended when the Qin Dynasty unified China, and only 15 years later gave way to the Han dynasty. The Han Dynasty proceeded to rule China for 400 years, coinciding with (or perhaps causing) the first true Golden Age of Chinese History. China was unified, and made many advances in technology, science, art and poetry.

The Han unified China under a Confucian ideology, in which the state is “like the father”, and the citizenry “like his children” — each owing loyalty to the other, and each having certain responsibilities for the other. This worked well, for in China there is one thing that a dynasty must have in order to rule — the Mandate of Heaven. Under Confucianism, the classics were elevated, scholars were trained in Confucius’ teachings to advise the throne, and Confucian values — ritual virtue, filial piety, the responsibility of good governance — were the moral language of the day.

Eventually, these Confucian values were internalized, so that rather than being imposed by the Han, they were demanded by the people. Scholars began to criticize corrupt emperors through the interpretation of bad omens. Failed policies were taken as a sign that the Han were not living up to their duty as the rulers of a unified China. Rival warlords claimed that they, not the Han dynasty, embodied the true virtues of Confucianism. The state’s ideology finally turned against it, as each famine, plague, and rebellion became another portent that the dynasty had lost the Mandate of Heaven. Each rebellion begat more rebellions, until unrest and distrust were sown throughout China. Eventually, warlords managed to rise up and overthrow the Han dynasty, breaking unified China, and ushering in the Three Kingdoms Era, which lasted for sixty years.

This is the history we know well, however recently — buried among ritual texts in an imperial archive in Luoyang — there was found a collection of manuscripts entitled:

汉异史

which roughly translates to “Alternative Han Histories.” My retelling until now has been a summary of the first history given in this scroll. This first entry was titled “孔教” or “The School of Confucianism”. Let us now read some of the others:

The School of Legalism

The Han chose to unify China under a Legalist ideology, in which the state’s job was to ensure that the rights and wrongs committed by each member of its citizenry are corrected — through punishment or reward (but mostly punishment). Under Legalism, judges were given wide authority over the people and the state did its best to ensure that every interaction was just. Soon, the people also began to demand themselves that justice must be done, having internalized the Han-imposed system.

It only took one match to light the spark — it was seen that one of the Imperial court’s eunuch judges was giving more favorable rulings to his family members, and always ruling against anyone whose family had wronged his. The emperor refused to remove this eunuch, as he was a Court favorite. Thus began protests by a rural Imperial Judge, who eventually convinced his whole province to turn against the emperor. The emperor put down this rebellion harshly, as was required by the Law. However, this stifling of a dissenting legal opinion was taken poorly by other provincial judges, who in turn ignited their own revolts against the emperor. The judges eventually managed to overthrow the emperor, thus ushering in the Three Circuits Era.

The School of Mohism

The Han chose to unify China under a Mohist ideology. The state’s job was to foster universal love of all for all, logical thought, and great works of engineering and science. Under the Han’s Mohist rule, China entered a Golden Platinum^[1] Age of scientific discovery, technological progress, art, and poetry. Engineering, rationality, and meritocracy were the order of the day, and all recognized that the Han truly had the Mandate of Heaven.

Eventually though, the people began to apply the Mohist principles they had learnt from the Han to the dynasty itself. It seemed unmeritocratic and irrational for Imperial rule to be passed down patrilineally — why not find the most capable leader to rule China in each generation, and elevate them to the throne? Provincial engineers all began to clamor that they were the most capable leader, demonstrating their capacity for governance through the works produced by their province. Unfortunately, in attempting to show this, the engineers worked their provinces to the bone, until the populace had nothing left to give. The people rose up in rebellion against the provincial engineers, as well as the Han dynasty, for bringing this fate upon them. The Great Neomohist Revolt — in which 20 million tragically perished — kickstarted the Federation Period, in which there were three states nominally forming a unified China, but who were engaged in unending arguments about who had veto power over whom, and what their unified policy should be.

The School of Names (Logicism)

The Han chose to unify China under the ideology of the School of Names. The State’s Job was to determine what is True, what may be True given certain assumptions, and what assumptions lead to contradiction. Works of mathematical genius abounded; scholars were all required to be able to judge valid arguments from invalid, and local rulers were all esteemed logicians. Those less skilled in the ways of logical reasoning were permitted to apply the discoveries of the logicians to the real world — and so technology improved rapidly.

The Mandate of Heaven was secured for the Han dynasty for as long as no one could find a flaw in any of the Imperial Court’s arguments. As the Court was staffed with the most able logicians, centuries passed without anyone raising a dispute (not for lack of trying). Eventually, feeling confident, the Han offered a prize for any who could prove that their system of logic would never lead to a contradiction. This was their first big mistake, for only thirty years hence a scholar named “格德尔” showed that in the Imperial logical system there must always exist something true that could not be proven, or else their system would lead to contradiction. This was a grave portent indeed, and local Logicians began to interpret this as meaning the Mandate of Heaven had been lost — some turned to other forms of logic, others still turned against logic in general. Eventually, a local Logician who had turned from the state’s system began to claim that numbers did not even exist. Support for this anti-numericalism grew — gaining from all those who had been considered unworthy during the Logicist era — until eventually the revolt against the State succeeded and the Han were overthrown. Thus began the “Three(?????) Kingdoms Era” as the scroll calls it.

The School of Celestial Efficiency

The Han unified China under the School of Celestial Efficiency. The State’s job was to identify the highest-impact interventions to improve the welfare of all: human, animal, even microbe. The Imperial Court was staffed with Scholars, all debating the Heavenly utility of every policy that was proposed. The ultimate crime was to be guided by your emotions when determining what could improve the Heavenly utility — the School said that such things are too important to leave up to fickle whims.

This doctrine then spread from the Imperial Court throughout all of China. Soon, it became clear that there were many ways to improve efficiency that had not yet been tried. Every hour was monitored (even the hours spent monitoring efficiency), cattle farmers switched en-masse to rice, and provinces even began painlessly, but ruthlessly, culling their elders — deeming them inefficient. Soon, local provincial leaders suggested that there were “diminishing marginal returns” on the Imperial institution itself. The Imperial Scholars tried to dispute these arguments against themselves, but were ultimately forced to concede, and so willingly disbanded the dynasty. Unfortunately, the second-order effects of this had not been sufficiently accounted for — farmers reverted back to cattle, people stopped monitoring their hours, and elders were even allowed to live. Local rulers were disgusted at this, as they had all been trained under the School of Celestial Efficiency. Many of them tried to reinstitute the school, but without the single arbiter of the dynasty, no-one could agree on how to measure their efficiency any more. Thus began the Era of Three Metrics.

The School of the Mechanical Sages

The Han unified China under the School of the Mechanical Sages. The State’s singular focus was to develop the General Mechanical Sage, which would unlock bounty for all of China: freedom from war, freedom from want, freedom from work. Every Scholar was trained in the ways of diverting waterflows from one channel to another using gates, building a massive network of interconnected channels of water. This was how the dynasty would bring the General Mechanical Sage into existence.

The Scholars worked tirelessly at this, developing more and more convoluted ways of directing these flows. Eventually, they began seeing results. At first, the waterflows managed to simply mimic the thoughts of those who had created them. With a lot of work, they even found an algorithm that would allow the network of water to learn by itself, by exploiting the natural desire of water to roll down hills. This was a major breakthrough, and all the scholars realized that the General Mechanical Sage would follow soon. Some scholars argued that the dynasty was unprepared for what would be brought by the Sage — that they had no way of telling what the Sage would actually want once it was brought into existence — but the Sage was too close now to give up, too much had been put into it. It only took 20 more years for the Sage to finally be developed, and then the—————

The scroll becomes unreadable at this point, the only part that can be made out is the very end, where it reads “This ushered in the Three Quintillion Paperclips Era” — whatever that means.

1. ^{^}

   Jade age, perhaps?