• 12 Dec, 2025 *

I am a lonely mother, but I know I am not alone.

I am isolated, I am on an island with two young kids and a laptop.

I feel the only thing I can really do for my sanity is blog and customize my blog.

I kind of wish I had a pen-pal, or, an old friend that would message me and ask me how I am doing. But nobody from my past really cares about me anymore, and everybody always thought that I was weird, or that I was crude. Maybe I am, but this loneliness that I feel as a mother, I feel that I am drowning in it.

When I go outside, Its to take the kids somewhere, but I have no community. I am a stranger, even to myself.

About You (me)

You take your offspring with you places, and you take them to the park, the playground, the library, and it is only for them. You never do anything for yourself.

You see other mothers, doing the same, but they are far away islands, you cannot contact them, you cannot connect in any meaningful way. Such is motherhood.

You are their life, and you try to make it better than what you had growing up, but you are a shell. Nobody else sees you.

When you do decide to do things for yourself, you feel guilty, as if you are taking up too much space and time, this is not about you. It is about everything else you have to do.

You have a duty to your children, to your husband, to everybody else in the household that dominates your own autonomy and well-being.

A noble cause, but in this way of living, it is absolutely soul crushingly isolating. You have no village, no community, outside of your pack and when you have children, your peers who have none (which are most) disappear, they no longer want anything to do with you.

You are truly alone in this world, and yet, it feels, so is everybody else. You wonder, is it you? But this is the new human experience, outside of family, of topics of conversations that pop up from family members, topics that do not interest you. Yet, you have to listen. You are the anchor, your experience does not matter, as long as everybody else is happy, that is all that matters.

There is nothing for a young mother but solace, undying love for her children, and fear.

When you forget about God, you have fear in your heart for the unknown, and you tend to forget about God often. Much to your shame and dismay. You get too caught up in the world, your world.

When you remember, you remember your solitude.

The village that you never had, the undying love for your children that makes you go out to the unknown world to face it, all so that your children can have something you never had. You are the sacrificial lamb of progress.

There are no true friends, nobody else that you can trust, and your family is constantly warning you about this. They say: “do not bring people into the house, they are envious, they are bad omens" and so, you isolate further than what you already do by default. This is your human condition, the way that you were raised. It is innate to you now, you wouldn’t dare do it anyway, but you wonder.

You believe it. You know nothing else and the shame of wanting a friend overwhelms you so much that you keep it to yourself. You are an island, because you hide your human condition, it is shameful to feel. To feel is to know, and to know is to be too loud and in the way.

You remember how you were shamed growing up, for wanting friendship. For wanting to hang out with somebody, the innate friendliness you once had as a child is now gone, lost to the isolation of adulthood. It was beat out of you by everything all at once. You know nothing else, yet somehow you feel that your children deserve more.

You do not know what more is in this context. Because friendship is deadly, the world is deadly, you must be guarded. There are wolves in the sea of lambs.

But you never find lambs, and you only see wolves.

Your home is your kingdom, nothing else matters. You are the anchor. The weight of everyone is on your shoulders, the responsibility of life itself is on your shoulders.

Yet, you recognize the ease of your living and that you are provided for. You are grateful for the tech, for the appliances, for the material that makes your life easier.

It is all material however, and your soul still yearns for a community, for something [more. It yearns for connection, for an outer layer to your inner circle.