My Wife Doesn’t Know I Watched Her Cheat On Me. I Had a Pretty Uh, Interesting Reaction.
I should hate this. But I don’t.
Dec 27, 202512:00 PM
Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Deagreez/Getty Images Plus.
Dear How to Do It,
I came home from work early several days ago and found my wife up to something in bed.
She was with another woman. Only she didn’t know I was there. Much as I hate to admit it, I stayed at the door with it open a crack and watched them go at it. And was insanely turned on by it. She never knew I was there…
My Wife Doesn’t Know I Watched Her Cheat On Me. I Had a Pretty Uh, Interesting Reaction.
I should hate this. But I don’t.
Dec 27, 202512:00 PM
Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Deagreez/Getty Images Plus.
Dear How to Do It,
I came home from work early several days ago and found my wife up to something in bed.
She was with another woman. Only she didn’t know I was there. Much as I hate to admit it, I stayed at the door with it open a crack and watched them go at it. And was insanely turned on by it. She never knew I was there, as I left before they finished and drove off. Part of me wants to confront her, but another part of me wants to suggest a threesome with us and another woman and see if she goes for it. Which is the proper response?
—A Potential Good Thing
Dear A Potential Good Thing,
It’s completely understandable that you’d want to confront your wife for cheating, but I’m going to encourage you to be practical here. You have the ability to set the tone. If you weren’t really bothered by it, or if the turn-on majorly outweighed your bother, it may not be useful to stage a full-on confrontation. A more effective route could be for you to just say that you know what’s up—you saw it with your own eyes—and it really turned you on. However, I don’t think you should jump immediately to proposing a threesome. If you first show acceptance for your wife’s desires without the air of selfish interest, it may be easier to insinuate yourself here. Ask her what she wants. Does she want to be open? Does she have romantic interest in women as well? Is she actually gay and closeted? Really listen to her and accept what she has to say.
Once you feel like you have a good grasp on her desires, what was going through her mind and where she’d like this interest in women to go, let her know that you’d like to join her on this journey. This could take several forms. Maybe she wants you to play with her and other women full time. Maybe sometimes. Maybe she would only be OK with you watching. Maybe she wants to pursue this solo. Be prepared for any of these possible outcomes to this conversation. Exploring this stuff with your partner can be fun and create a unique bond, but it’s only sustainable if everyone involved is interested. This isn’t just about you; it’s about both of you.
And look, she did betray your arrangement, clearly. If that does end up bothering you, or if it’s bothering you too much to ignore right now, by all means make your feelings known. People have ended marriages over stuff like this. It certainly doesn’t have to be that way, but you also don’t have to accept it. Figure out what your priorities are and act accordingly—and with love.
—Rich
More Advice From Slate
I’m a 41-year-old man whose last relationship was over 10 years ago (and it lasted three months). How does one with very little experience even look for a partner? How does one even approach when it seems like women want the privilege I have: The ability to get from A to B with zero human interaction? I feel like women take one look at me and run for the hills.
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