Yesterday I saw a friend, Bridget, whom I had not seen for a full year. “How have you been?” she asked.
“I have learned a lot about myself this year,” I told her. But at the time it was hard to say just what I’d learned. It’s the time of year when we think of what we’ve learned in the year behind us and make resolutions for the new year. I try not to make New Year’s resolutions. All the studies show that motivation wanes by February — if we’re lucky. Changing my life by flipping a switch on December 31st is not a feasible plan. I remind myself that it is the small changes that matter. It is the daily habits that add up. It is the incremental improvements I make every day and week that result in lasting change.
But not this year. This year, I’m making a New Year’s resolution.…
Yesterday I saw a friend, Bridget, whom I had not seen for a full year. “How have you been?” she asked.
“I have learned a lot about myself this year,” I told her. But at the time it was hard to say just what I’d learned. It’s the time of year when we think of what we’ve learned in the year behind us and make resolutions for the new year. I try not to make New Year’s resolutions. All the studies show that motivation wanes by February — if we’re lucky. Changing my life by flipping a switch on December 31st is not a feasible plan. I remind myself that it is the small changes that matter. It is the daily habits that add up. It is the incremental improvements I make every day and week that result in lasting change.
But not this year. This year, I’m making a New Year’s resolution.
And the only reason I don’t think I’m being foolish about the whole thing is that this year, I’m not making a resolution because I feel I’ve failed at something or need some kind of serious improvement. I’m making a resolution to do more of the same — a lot more.
Because sometimes, as I sift through my life for the things I wish I did better, I miss what really matters. I forget how good my life is — how strong my relationships are, how fortunate I am to have the friends and family I have, how lucky I am to have a mind that still works and a body that does what I need it to do. This year, for whatever reason, I spent a lot more time doing things I truly enjoy, and I spent a lot less time beating myself up for not doing things I thought I should do.
I decided not to worry too much about what I ate and, instead, ate a lot of things I really love, and — to my surprise — I stayed exactly at the weight my body likes to be. I knew that writing brings me joy, and worrying about what will happen after I’ve written causes a lot of stress. So I let go. I worried less. And I discovered that worrying less left a lot more time for writing.
I spent more time with friends. I reached out more often. I said “yes” to invitations. I listened to my husband Peter’s advice and, if I felt like sleeping in, I did. I talked to more dogs. I ate more cake. I listened to more music.
This year, I just got a little better at living in my own skin, at trusting myself, at letting myself enjoy what I was doing and spend more time doing it.
Since retiring, Bridget has taken up diving. She discovered she has a talent for taking beautiful photos of tiny fish that are seldom seen and almost never photographed. She loves it. She does it whenever she can. She hopes that she might be able to do it for another 20 years. And that is her resolution: to stay healthy enough to keep doing this new thing she loves for as long as she can.
That is my New Year’s resolution — and my New Year’s revelation as well.
Maybe I work hard enough right now. Maybe I’m healthy enough, fit enough, smart enough today. Maybe the self-improvement projects can be put on indefinite hold to make more time to do all the things I love. And Bridget and I agreed: We needed to see each other before another year had passed.
Till next time, Carrie