Today’s main goal was to get to my mother’s place and clear out her refrigerator of perishable items, then get her bubble packs to the hospital, before the snow arrived.

My daughter came with me to help out, so she was able to get started on the fridge while I packed a bag of stuff for my mother. There were a few things she asked specifically for, and others I grabbed that I knew she would want, such as her daily devotions book (which is held together with duct tape, she’s read and re-read it so often), the LED candle I got for her for when she said her prayers and when someone from church brought her communion, and a couple of rosaries. A neighbor has been bringing her mail for years and sliding it under her door, and there were a few envelopes we brought for her, too. Of course, I also brought her knee warmers that I washed and added elastic cord to, which will hopefully keep them from sliding off, and the warm sleeping cap I made for her yesterday.

I had done a grocery shopping trip for my mother shortly before she went into the hospital, so there was quite a bit for us to bring home! Some things had to be thrown away, so we took out her garbage, too. I even remembered to give her rosemary plant a deep watering. There are still a few things in her fridge that aren’t perishable that we are leaving until we come back to shut it off and clean it all out. Not sure when that will happen.

Once everything was packed up, checked out, put away and tended to, my daughter and we had 5 of our hard sided grocery bags to bring home (!!!) plus the items to bring to the hospital. That included her bubble packs that they asked for, plus I found and grabbed the prescription anti-fungal medication for her infected toe that she never used, as she can’t apply it herself. My daughter remembered to grab the baggie of foot care stuff I brought for her, which can now only be used by her, unless sterilized.

It didn’t take very long with two of us working on it, and we were soon loaded and heading to the hospital.

When we got there, my first stop was at the nursing station to drop of my mother’s bubble packs. I pointed out the eye vitamins, and the woman I spoke to said they just don’t have those at all. I also brought out the anti-fungal medication and explained that my mother couldn’t apply it herself. I don’t know that they do that sort of foot care. You’d think they would, considering it’s a hospital, but as I told her what it was, she seemed very… confused? Not sure what other word to use, but it left me thinking, it’s not going to get used.

My mother was sleeping when came in, so we tried to be quiet, but she heard us and got up. We showed her what we brought for her, some of which needed repeating, but she eventually got it and was able to instruct us on where to put things. Then we stayed for a bit of a visit and a chat. That went over well, for the most part – she was happy to see my daughter this time. There were a couple of head shakers, though.

She started telling us that things are quieter at night, now, because she was saying something (I shudder to think how she phrased things). There’s even a hand written sign on her door, to keep closed at all times. She started getting into her favourite thing to complain about: people laughing. As she went on about it, we tried to say, laughing is good. It’s healthy. It’s one thing to have an issue with how loud things are, but there’s nothing wrong with laughing.

Turns out, she really does think there’s something wrong with laughing. People shouldn’t be laughing in the hospital, because there are sick people who are feeling bad, and that will make them feel worse. Of course, she is projecting herself, here, and assumes other patients are as bothered by it as she is. This attitude towards laughing is not new at all. Even when we would be in a restaurant or something and people at another table would laugh loudly, she would get angry. As if she thought they were laughing at her (in some instances, she really did think people were laughing at her, even though they were talking about something else entirely). There were a few times when she would suddenly, loudly, do her sarcastic imitation of a laugh. Got some strange looks out of it, as you can imagine. My daughter even tried to point out that sometimes, people laugh to make other people feel better, and my mother’s response was that they could smile or say nice things, but laughing was for … I think she said for the bar or something like that, but I can’t quite remember. Basically, in her mind, no laughing should happen in hospitals. Because she doesn’t like it. She even tried to misuse the Bible to justify it, bringing up the verse about being happy with those who are happy, crying with those who cry, completely out of context. (ESV Romans 12: 15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”)

As you can imagine, both my daughter and I were rather stunned that my mother was so upset about other people being happy around her.

She also brought up her other favourite complaint: how the staff dresses. She said she’s been telling the nurses and doctors that they should “dress nicely” so people can tell them apart from the janitor – and, according to her, they agree with her. ??? I don’t think that’s quite it. What got us is when she started on how the doctors and nurses deserve more respect than the janitors, because a janitor doesn’t even need 12th grade, and that’s why they should dress different so people should be able to tell them apart.

She said it in such a way that I had to interject and tell her, she needs to treat janitor’s nicely, too, because they also deserve respect. She started mocking about, oh, yes, they call it “equality” and so on, but basically doubled down on how the housekeeping staff are somehow “less”. I told her, they need to be treated with respect because they are children of God, too. She actually found a way to dismiss that while pretending to agree with it at the same time. Then she mentioned some other things about the staff, making it clear she’s been grilling them about their historical and ethnic backgrounds. She was all smiles when she brought up that one nurse’s background was from Denmark. Then one of the other nurses – an Asian male – same up and her entire body language changed, and she was “oh… him.” !!! I’ve met this guy twice, and he also phoned me to follow up about my mother’s meds, asking me to brig her bubble packs over so they could give her her eye vitamins. Between my mother’s attitude and his own body language while talking about my mother, I strongly suspect she said or did something inappropriate towards him.

After updating my family, my sister brought up something that happened during her visit. A couple of guys came in, delivering water bottles. My mother said to them, “Men? You should be in construction!”

*sigh*

We talked a bit about her medications. She told me, one morning they gave her 12 pills. Another, they gave her 9. Her morning meds are usually 6 meds, including a half pill. Whatever they’re doing, they’re either not explaining it to her, or she’s forgetting if they have.

While we were there, a nurse came in to give her 2:00 water pill. So they are clearly giving her more of those than she used to take with her bubble packs. From the looks of her legs, they may want to increase the dose more!

My siblings and I are frustrated by the lack of information and communication. My mother would be difficult to communicate with, but if that’s an issue, they should be calling me. I’m top of the list of my siblings, not just because I live the closest, but because I’ve been her advocate at medical appointments for about 8 years now. If they can’t reach me, they should be calling my brother, who is her PoA. There just doesn’t seem to be anything to go on. Even when I ask the staff at the nursing station and talk to her nurse of the day, they don’t seem to know anything about what’s going on.

It’s still better than for her to be at home, of course, but we’re all pushing for her to be discharged to a nursing home, and there’s just nothing. No feedback. No communication. Meanwhile, my mother is getting all these meds that look different from what she’s used to, and she has no idea what they are giving her. Not that she understood quite all of what she was taking before, anyhow.

She told us she said to the doctor? someone, that she’s taking all these pills, so why is she still feeling so bad? I had to tell her – again – that none of the medications she is taking is for what she is feeling. They are for other, specific, things. She doesn’t get that. Apparently, taking blood pressure medication should also stop her hip from hurting. 🫤

By then, we were more than ready to leave. I could see my daughter was getting extremely uncomfortable with the things my mother was saying. We needed to get home before the weather turned, anyhow.

We did have time to make a couple of quick stops along the way, including a fill at the gas station. Still, we cut it close. As we got closer to home, we drove right into heavy snow. Thankfully, it didn’t last long and the system moved on. Tomorrow is supposed to warm up a bit, again, with no snow, so hopefully we’ll be able to get some stuff done outside.

Speaking of outside…

After we got home, my daughter finished unloading the truck after we brought the first bags of my mother’s fridge stuff in, while I moved on to giving the outside cats their evening food and warm water.

Check this lady out…

What a beauty!

She is getting SO much more matted!

She was supposed to go to the rescue after the 20th, when a space was opened up, but the weather had other ideas. At this point, I’m hoping to have that happen maybe after New Year’s. I don’t want to push them too much on it. They are so desperate for fosters, and they have quite a few cats – mostly kittens, actually – that just aren’t being adopted. They’re really working on getting the word out, both through local organizations and social media, too, posting adoption pictures every chance they can. Some cats and kittens get adopted quickly. Others… crickets.

I was hoping that tomorrow I could stay home and get things done, but I’m looking at our cat food supply, and the weather, and thinking a trip to Walmart might be necessary (the local feed stores would not be open).

I really don’t want to do more driving. We were supposed to be able to hibernate until after New Year’s!

The Re-Farmer