- 14 Dec, 2025 *
my anxiety started long before my earliest memories, persisting throughout my childhood and teenage years. now, at the age of 20, i find myself grieving what would’ve been the most carefree years of my life had i not developed the worrying disease.
i acknowledge my strength for putting up such a long fight, but i also continue to drown in the resentment for having to do so at all.
why me?
a silly question to ask. it could’ve been anyone- it just happened to be me.
the kind and self-sacrificing side of me whispers gratitude that it was me, and not some other poor unsuspecting soul. given the choice between myself and a stranger …
- 14 Dec, 2025 *
my anxiety started long before my earliest memories, persisting throughout my childhood and teenage years. now, at the age of 20, i find myself grieving what would’ve been the most carefree years of my life had i not developed the worrying disease.
i acknowledge my strength for putting up such a long fight, but i also continue to drown in the resentment for having to do so at all.
why me?
a silly question to ask. it could’ve been anyone- it just happened to be me.
the kind and self-sacrificing side of me whispers gratitude that it was me, and not some other poor unsuspecting soul. given the choice between myself and a stranger having to cope with this crippling impairment, i would definitely take the fall.
every single time, without hesitation.
maybe this anxiety was a choice i had to make before coming into this world. maybe the heavens put me through an "impossible" test, and i chose to throw this life under the bus for the betterment of another who is still out there.
that thought doesn’t ease the suffering- of course not.
but i’m starting to feel glad that it was me. perhaps some other kind soul is fighting cancer right now, on my behalf.
i’m too exhausted to write more than this. the panic is clawing its way upmy throat again.
thank you for reading my rant.
- sam