Why Unwritten Rules Matter More Than Laws

7 min read2 days ago

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There is a specific kind of nightmare scenario that plays out in bad relationships and toxic workplaces. It isn’t usually about screaming matches or broken plates. It’s quieter than that.

It’s the coworker who, when asked to expedite a project, follows the procedure manual so literally — requiring every single signature in the exact order specified — that the project misses the deadline.

It’s the partner who, when asked to help with the dishes, washes exactly the items you pointed at and leaves the pots crusting over on the stove because “you didn’t say the pots.”

It is called malicious compliance: following the rules to the letter while violating their spirit entirely.

We recognize this behavior instinctively in our personal lives. We know that a marriage that relies on a contract to define who takes out the trash is a marriage in trouble. We know that a company where people only do exactly what is written in their job description is a company that is about to fail.

Yet, we have a blind spot when it comes to the biggest system of all: our democracy. We tend to think that a country stands or falls based on its Constitution, its laws, and its courts. We believe that if it isn’t illegal, it’s allowed.

But history suggests otherwise. The truth is, any system — whether it’s a two-person relationship or a 300-million-person…