- 17 Dec, 2025 *
i’m going to be perceived however by others–and not by the construction of my self i had in front of the mirror before leaving my bedroom–and that’s... none of my business? it’s a bitter pill to swallow but it isn’t that bad once it is. misconstrued perception is more annoying than devastating these days, but even so, i move forward.
i’ve been called "complicated" for explaining myself and for not doing so at all. i’ve been called she/her by strangers (and friends, too, at times). i’ve been prodded at under a microscope about just how trans and nonbinary i really am, in and out of community. even so, i move forward.
you know, in an ideal world, i would not want to be referred to at all. or maybe just my first name. or just a nod in my direction or a dir…
- 17 Dec, 2025 *
i’m going to be perceived however by others–and not by the construction of my self i had in front of the mirror before leaving my bedroom–and that’s... none of my business? it’s a bitter pill to swallow but it isn’t that bad once it is. misconstrued perception is more annoying than devastating these days, but even so, i move forward.
i’ve been called "complicated" for explaining myself and for not doing so at all. i’ve been called she/her by strangers (and friends, too, at times). i’ve been prodded at under a microscope about just how trans and nonbinary i really am, in and out of community. even so, i move forward.
you know, in an ideal world, i would not want to be referred to at all. or maybe just my first name. or just a nod in my direction or a direct "@". but that’s not how things work. it’s actually not that serious, either. and so, i’m hard launching that i frankly don’t have a preference of pronouns for myself because i feel i’m at a stage where condensing my ongoing gender synthesis into referential language is too simplifying.
yes, i’m just a guy, but i’m also not sometimes. sometimes, i’m girl. sometimes, i’m creature. sometimes, i’m factory settings. sometimes, i’m soup. sometimes, i’m dew. sometimes, i’m bergamot oil. sometimes, i’m creek-eroded rock. sometimes, i’m lipstick mark. sometimes, i’m veiny arm. sometimes, i’m hojicha ice cream. sometimes, i’m bitter chocolate. sometimes, i’m flesh. sometimes, i’m bone. sometimes, i’m sweat. sometimes, i’m prayer position. sometimes, i’m knife puncture. sometimes, i’m exposed fangs. sometimes, i’m ocean mist.
gender is a mask as much as it is a heart on your sleeve. play around with chosen names. reclaim the slur, or don’t. the leap to add kohl to your waterline or rouge to your lips is braver than people who say otherwise. skirts are gender neutral–hell, all clothing is, despite arguments to the contrary. (bigots try to box in things they are afraid to understand anyways. bigot is a big word in itself, but these days, i see through their ways of making themselves look bigger than me.)
reminder to self: regardless, prerogative is personal. it’s not that serious, but don’t stop being true to yourself.