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I try to follow the maxim “all unsolicited advice is self-serving” and ask before I offer my opinion on what I think someone else should do. I think we all love receiving well-meaning guidance; we just bristle when it arrives unbidden, when it lands as thinly disguised criticism.
Each fall, I solicit advice from readers of The Morning, asking for the best wisdom they received in the previous 12 months. This year, as last year, I’m struck by how many people have been moved by Mel Robbins’s “Let Them” theory. I was intrigued by the couple of people whose best advice came from a chatbot (in my opinion, the human advice was better). Lots of you were changed by advice to stretch, drink water, walk more — these are perennials. I don’t kno…
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I try to follow the maxim “all unsolicited advice is self-serving” and ask before I offer my opinion on what I think someone else should do. I think we all love receiving well-meaning guidance; we just bristle when it arrives unbidden, when it lands as thinly disguised criticism.
Each fall, I solicit advice from readers of The Morning, asking for the best wisdom they received in the previous 12 months. This year, as last year, I’m struck by how many people have been moved by Mel Robbins’s “Let Them” theory. I was intrigued by the couple of people whose best advice came from a chatbot (in my opinion, the human advice was better). Lots of you were changed by advice to stretch, drink water, walk more — these are perennials. I don’t know why I can’t seem to take the advice to drink a glass of water upon waking up. One reader suggested it’s watering yourself, as you would a plant. I like this — some mornings the only word that seems appropriate to describe how I feel is “wilted.”
The best advice I received this year was from my friend Lori, who, when I was expressing anxiety about some far-off worry, advised, “Move the horizon closer.” Another bit that I’ve returned to: “What if it all works out?” Taken together, the instruction seems to be: Keep your gaze in the present, and if you must consider the future, choose the best-case scenario to ponder. It’s just as likely to transpire as the worst-case one, after all.
The best advice you received
Nothing changes if nothing changes. — Kristine Tobin Balasz, Charlevoix, Mich.
If it’s meant to serve you, and it doesn’t (and it’s affordable), replace it. Daily things like your bag, your water bottle, your socks. Find ones you actually like using. — Alissa Gulin, Laurel, Md.
Before your kids go to college, find something you are passionate about other than work. — Sandra Beaulieu, Bellevue, Wash.
You don’t need to tell everyone everything that goes into making the chicken soup. — Hannah Schoff, New York City
Your parents are also doing things for the first time. Cut them some slack. — Katie Claytor, Richmond, Va.
Don’t think harder, breathe deeper. Most of us are surviving on shallow sips of air. — Carly Sotas, Los Angeles
Never second-guess going to a funeral. — Kathy Nechanicky, Lakeville, Minn.
We tend to forget that baby steps still move us forward. — Becki Moss, Sarasota, Fla.
Good conversations have lots of doorknobs. — Samantha Good, Portland, Ore.
It’ll be fine or it’ll be over. — Nathalie Cunningham, Tacoma, Wash.
Do dishes when the baby does dishes. — Lisa Francomacaro, White River Junction, Vt.
Ask yourself: What if there was no problem to solve right now? — Brianán Kiernan, San Francisco
Write what’s bothering you down on a piece of paper; put it in a little box. A year later, read what’s in there and see if you don’t start laughing. — Diane Huebner, Merced, Calif.
“Wear the ring.” — A jeweler who cleaned a family heirloom I’d kept in a box for 50 years for fear of losing it. — Arline Sirkus, New York City
Best advice for decluttering: If you didn’t own it, would you buy it again? — Margaret Roberts, Kodiak, Alaska
Stop trying to calm the storm. Calm yourself, the storm will pass. — Lyn Banghart, Easton, Md.
Go outside first thing in the morning before you do anything else. — Carrie Swift Heck, Lee, Mass.
Your job needs to leave you enough time to go for walks with your old dog. — Gillian Williams, Madrid, Spain
Ask for a favor, get advice. Ask for advice, get a favor. Asking for a favor can put someone in an uncomfortable spot, but asking for advice taps into their intelligence and shows respect. It may feel slower, but it ultimately gets you what you want more effectively. — Max Zawacki, Conroe, Texas
Even in the hardest of times, you have the ability to whistle in the dark. — Kate Chimenti, Los Gatos, Calif.
Don’t make what someone told you into your narrative. — Jean Anderson, Winter Garden, Fla.
When going on a trip, ask yourself: Are you going to see places or show yourself? Then pack accordingly. — Marina Selcuk, Oakville, Ontario, Canada
Always have a bottle of Champagne chilling in the fridge. — Helen Labun, Montpelier, Vt.
Don’t pick up the rope: When someone is starting to argue, state the facts calmly and walk away. — Laurel Givens, Houghton, Mich.
Why don’t you get hearing aids? — Amy Kepple Strawser, Columbus, Ohio
In order to fall asleep, you pretend to fall asleep. Perhaps that’s how everything works … cheers to faking it ’til you make it. — Christen Bakken, Pine, Colo.
Anxiety is not intuition. — Kaylee Davis, Fuquay Varina, N.C.
When your 100-pound German shepherd takes off after a squirrel, drop the leash so you don’t end up with a broken arm. — Cherie Walker, Pickens, S.C.
From a fellow vegetarian: Don’t bother ordering the sad, token meatless item on the menu when they drag you to a steakhouse. Just get dessert, and relish it. — Emily Wasserman, Portland, Me.
Sometimes, you have to let people lie to you. You don’t always have to be right or call people on their nonsense. — Rob Lancia, Nanuet, N.Y.
Put away your phone whenever there is a human being in front of you. — Emily Herrick, Vashon, Wash.
**For more, **here are the reader advice newsletters of years past: 2024, 2023, 2022.
What’s the best advice you received this year? Tell me in the comments.
THE LATEST NEWS
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Volodymyr Zelensky earlier this month.Credit...Tetiana Dzhafarova/Agence France-Presse — Getty Images
Russia launched waves of missiles and attack drones at Kyiv as President Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine prepared to meet with President Trump on Sunday to discuss a plan to end the war.
Trump exempted a lead-spewing smelting facility from air-quality rules. All the facility had to do was email the E.P.A., The Times found.
Trump said the targets of airstrikes in Nigeria were Islamic State terrorists responsible for killing Christians. But experts say the situation is much more complicated.
A lot has happened during Trump’s past year in office. Times reporters in Washington took a look back at some of the biggest moments.
THE WEEK IN CULTURE
Film and TV
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Tyler, the Creator, in a scene from “Marty Supreme.”Credit...A24
Josh Safdie’s Ping-pong comedy “Marty Supreme” is chock-full of cameos, including a “Shark Tank” investor, a supermarket magnate and N.B.A. All-Stars. Here’s a guide.
Many film and TV hits this year seemed to agree on one thing, the critic Salamishah Tillet writes: The best vantage for exploring our times is the political middle.
A new villain aligns with a familiar one in “Avatar: Fire and Ash,” the third installment in James Cameron’s franchise. Watch Cameron dissect a scene from his film.
Kate Winslet’s directorial debut, “Goodbye June,” is based on a script written by her son.
Music
Perry Bamonte, who was a roadie and guitar tech for the Cure before he joined the band full time as a guitarist and keyboard player, died at 65.
“The End of an Era,” the Disney+ series exploring Taylor Swift’s globe-trotting concert extravaganza, has come to an end. These are the biggest takeaways.
The British police dropped their criminal investigation into a band that chanted “Death, death, to the I.D.F.,” in reference to Israel’s military.
The singer Barry Manilow has lung cancer and will undergo surgery. He postponed several concert dates.
More Culture
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Figurines in a shop in Naples, Italy.Credit...Nadia Shira Cohen for The New York Times
Italian craftspeople have built scenes depicting Jesus’ birth for generations. This year, some are including Trump statuettes in the Nativity.
Puzzle designers are always searching for that “satisfying click.” Here are some of the best creations from the past year.
Robert Redford, Roberta Flack, Diane Keaton and Brian Wilson are among the cultural luminaries who died this year. Here’s a tribute to some of them, in their own words.
REAL ESTATE
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Clockwise, from left: Claudia and Chris Beiler with their five sons; Katie Israel and her children; Rahul Barua and Winnie Wong; and Adam Stone and Jordan Fenlon.Credit...Hannah Yoon; William DeShazer; George Etheredge; Christopher Capozziello for The New York Times
**Wall-to-wall: **Carpet is back! Unlike the nylon shags of the 1970s, these floor coverings are made of natural materials and can cost tens of thousands of dollars per room to install.
LIVING
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Credit...The New York Times
**Hit novels: **These days, most best sellers are written by authors who are household names. Not these five breakout books.
The year in slang: Do you speak 2025? Take our quiz.
**Good housekeeping: **Two Mississippians have amassed the world’s largest collection of aprons.
ADVICE FROM WIRECUTTER
The case for an oil-filled radiator
Oil-filled radiators cost more and take longer to heat than fan-forced ceramic space heaters. But once they’re cranking, you can’t beat their comfort. They are great at retaining heat, which creates a more natural-feeling, ambient warmth. My favorite space heater helps keep the chillier rooms in my New England bungalow toasty — walking back into my office when it’s on feels like sliding into a warm bath. Just remember: While radiator-style space heaters are safer than other types, they still present some risks, so it’s important to use them properly. Make sure to avoid contact with water, store them on the floor and try to keep children’s fingers away from the interior fins. — Liam McCabe
GAME OF THE WEEK
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Dante Moore of Oregon and Terrance Carter Jr. of Texas Tech.Credit...Tom Hauck/Getty Images, Stacy Revere/Getty Images
No. 4 Texas Tech vs. No. 5 Oregon, Orange Bowl: After a fairly sleepy first round, the College Football Playoff seems ready to catch fire. And among the slate of great second-round matchups, this one, between two teams trying to win their first national title, might be the best.
Loosely regulated player payments and unlimited transfers have reshaped the sport, and perhaps no team made better use of the changes this year than Texas Tech. The Red Raiders reportedly spent $25 million to build an all-star roster, with a particular focus on the defensive line. That unit is now one of the best in the country — No. 1 in run defense, and No. 3 in yards per play and points per game.
Oregon, for its part, has an elite offensive line and a great quarterback in Dante Moore, who transferred from U.C.L.A. But as Ralph D. Russo of The Athletic noted in his preview of the game, when Oregon faced Indiana’s powerful defense earlier this year, that offense struggled mightily.
Jan. 1 at 12 p.m. Eastern on ESPN
NOW TIME TO PLAY
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Melissa Kirsch covers wellness and lifestyle and writes The Morning newsletter on Saturdays.
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