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I can’t stop thinking about a recent guest essay in The Times by Elizabeth Oldfield. Oldfield is 41 and lives in a house in London with her husband, their two children, a couple with a baby on the way, another woman and a cat. Each time a particularly enticing story of co-living surfaces (see: this one about a women-only community in Texas), my friends and I share the link and fantasize about how someday we’ll all live together, like the Golden Girls, or like a hippie commune, or just in the same neighborhood. I dated a guy who seemed seriously committed to co-purchasing homes around the world where different configurations of friends could live at any given time. (We broke up before I got to see if this ambitious dream could be realized.)

When we imagine living in a group, we think of all the practical things we’ll get in the bargain: a perpetual dinner party, shared household expenses, someone to drive us to the airport or sit by our bed when we’re ill. Oldfield acknowledges these benefits, but she goes further, holding up communal living as one solution to the perennial problem of loneliness and division. We increasingly “avoid ties of mutual obligation in favor of frictionless transactions,” she writes. This results in a weakening of our connection-making muscles, what she calls “relational decay.”

She presents several habits she’s picked up from co-living that might help stave off this decay, regardless of one’s living situation. The advice I keep returning to is her suggestion to “loosen your grip on your preferences.” Living with others, Oldfield has had to compromise on her strong opinions on décor and how to store cheese. She’d prefer not to have to clean up immediately after using the kitchen, but consideration for her housemates requires she adjust.

The older we get, the more comfortable and calcified we get in our preferences and quirks. We like things the way we like them — the thermostat at 68 and not a degree warmer, the aisle seat, steak medium-rare but closer to medium, don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee. This self-knowledge is comforting, and central to forming an identity, but it’s also limiting. We are used to controlling our environments, to minimizing variables so that we can avoid discomfort.

“No hothouse-flowering,” I’ll silently admonish myself when I notice I’m making my life smaller because of some arcane preference, behaving like an exotic plant that needs too much coddling. Usually it has something to do with my physical comfort — if my levels of hunger, body temperature, caffeination and restedness are not calibrated, I might be grumpy, I might decline a social invitation. Our grip on our preferences can be so tight that our lives constrict around it.

Living with others isn’t, in Oldfield’s telling, continuously joyous. She describes frustration and conflict, concessions that could be avoided in a more conventional setup. But I think one thing that’s so attractive about it, and why I and so many people I know keep returning to the fantasy, is a desire not only to live with friends, but also to be people who can happily and companionably thrive in that setting. We like the idea of ourselves as people who can share and compromise, who prioritize community over comfort. Deep down, we don’t want to be hothouse flowers, requiring very specific conditions in order to bloom. We know, as Oldfield has come to realize, that “the relentless enhancement of experience does not usually bring inner peace. Avoiding minor annoyances becomes addictive, and it can lead to a life perfectly optimized to our preferences, all alone.”

THE LATEST NEWS

Venezuela

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Trump administration officials and oil executives in the White House yesterday.Credit...Tierney L. Cross/The New York Times

President Trump urged U.S. oil executives to invest in Venezuela’s dilapidated oil infrastructure during a White House meeting. Trump said their companies would invest at least $100 billion.

The U.S. military intercepted another tanker in the Caribbean carrying Venezuelan oil. It’s the fifth tanker U.S. forces have boarded or seized in the past month.

Trump’s power grab in Venezuela is a frontal attack against China’s oil pipeline — and its economic dominance in Latin America.

In the meeting with oil executives, Trump said he was “going to do something on Greenland, whether they like it or not.”

Politics

A federal judge in New York temporarily blocked the Trump administration from freezing roughly $10 billion in child care and social services funding for five Democratic-led states.

The Trump administration is trying to assert sweeping new powers over “underperforming” defense contractors.

The head of the F.B.I.’s office in New York is expected to become deputy director, the No. 2 position previously held by Dan Bongino.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said nutritional guidance would be free from conflicts of interest. But his new food pyramid, which emphasizes protein, meat and milk, was informed by experts with ties to the meat and dairy industries.

Federal Shootings

Minnesota officials are calling for the federal government to let state agents help investigate the deadly shooting of a woman by an ICE agent.

The Department of Homeland Security said the two people shot by federal agents in Portland this week were associated with the Venezuelan gang Tren de Aragua, though they have not yet offered evidence.

The shooting in Portland was at least the 10th since September by federal agents carrying out Trump’s immigration crackdown.

International

The E.U. agreed to a sweeping trade pact with four South American countries. It would create one of the largest free-trade zones in the world.

Iran’s supreme leader vowed that his government would “not back down” in the face of swelling protests. He also accused protesters of trying to “please” Trump.

Other Big Stories

U.S. employers added 50,000 jobs last month, as hiring continued at a modest pace despite economic uncertainty.

Hessy Levinsons Taft died at 91. As an infant, she appeared on the cover of a Nazi magazine promoting her as the ideal Aryan baby — a distinction complicated by the fact that she was Jewish.

Indiana crushed Oregon, 56-22, in the College Football Playoff semifinals. The Hoosiers will play Miami in the championship game.

THE WEEK IN CULTURE

Music

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Mario MirallesCredit...Michael Schmelling for The New York Times

A world-class maker of string instruments kept precious wood in a shed outside his home in Altadena, Calif. Last year’s wildfire reduced the shed, and the wood within, to ash.

The artistic legacy of Tom Verlaine, the enigmatic frontman of Television, who died three years ago, rests in 35 tightly packed cardboard boxes.

For megafans of megastars like Madonna and Mariah Carey, spending $650,000 on memorabilia is an emotional investment.

Trump and the Arts

The Washington National Opera is moving its performances out of the Kennedy Center, saying attendance and donations had dropped since Trump took control of it.

The Smithsonian faces an ultimatum from the White House: turn over records about its programming or face budget cuts.

More Culture

Will Arnett, Laura Dern and Bradley Cooper have been friends for years. Their new dramedy, “Is This Thing On?” — about stand-up comedy and shared history — leans on that real-life bond. Read our interview with the stars.

Thomas Paine’s “Common Sense,” published 250 years ago this week, ignited the fire of American independence. But that was hardly the end of his strange and winding story.

A LENS ON HISTORY

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Doug Mills, left, photographing President Trump after an interview with The New York Times on Wednesday.Credit...Doug Mills/The New York Times

The photojournalist Doug Mills, who began covering the White House in 1983, has been in the Oval Office thousands of times. Even for him, though, The Times’s nearly two-hour interview with Trump this week was extraordinary, as he explains in a new Q&A. Here’s an excerpt:

Do you like shooting in the Oval, or is it hard to make something fresh and new in a place that has been photographed so much?

Doug: Every time you go in that room, you see something you didn’t see the last time you were there. He adds something weekly if not daily. People give him things, or he sees something that he likes. There’s a fairly new Jackie Kennedy small little 8-by-10 beautiful painting hanging up near the fireplace; I had not seen that before.

I pinch myself every time I come in there. It’s just an incredible office to be in. It’s a unique place to be able to photograph in.

Did you start shooting a lot right at the beginning because you were worried about getting kicked out? Or do you take it slowly, wait for your moment, so as not to attract too much attention?

I’m the quietest one in the room. My cameras are completely silent. I’m not moving around a lot. You’re limited because he’s sitting behind the desk. There’s a recorder in the foreground — that’s an obstacle. I had four reporters — those are obstacles.

Karoline [Leavitt, the press secretary] had said it’s OK if you come in at the top and then peel out, so I thought at any time she might say, OK, I think you have enough. Thankfully, Karoline never asked me to leave. I think that’s mainly because the president’s very comfortable having me around. If there’s something that comes out, a folder that says “Top Secret” on it, I put my cameras away. I know I can’t photograph that stuff.

CULTURE CALENDAR

📺 “Industry” (Sunday): Is there a hole in your heart that only wealth, party drugs and jumpy camerawork can fill? Then rejoice that “Industry,” the moody, horny HBO series about a band of young bankers, has returned for a fourth season. Set in contemporary London, the drama celebrates high finance and low morals. While the glossy bedlam of the pilot has since birthed something resembling a story line, “Industry,” still revels in the most outrageous choices. The new season, which untethers its characters from the central investment firm, adds Charlie Heaton and Kiernan Shipka to the cast.

RECIPE OF THE WEEK

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Credit...James Ransom for The New York Times. Food Stylist: Barrett Washburne.

Gochujang Potato Stew

Take advantage of January’s cozy, quiet chill and simmer up a pot of soup. Eric Kim’s gochujang potato stew is chock-full of greens, beans and soft pieces of potatoes, all spiked with soy sauce, honey and a judicious dollop of gochujang for a gentle kick. Make a potful this afternoon, then eat it all week long.

REAL ESTATE

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Tom and Patty Chan in Atami, Japan.Credit...Noriko Hayashi for The New York Times.

**The Hunt: **A couple from California wanted a traditional house in Japan that they could rent out, but also stay in occasionally. Which one did they choose? Play our game.

What you get for $425,000: A cottage in Nashville, a contemporary condo in Kansas City, Mo., and a 1950s bungalow in Orlando.

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Sydney Sweeney’s luscious mane at the 2023 Met Gala was partly the work of Helena Jhong.Credit...Nina Westervelt for The New York Times

**Wig bigwig: **She creates custom hair pieces that appear all over Hollywood.

Ear seeds: As this acupressure practice grows more popular, the traditional seeds are being replaced by Swarovski crystals. “It’s like piercings without the actual piercing,” said one influencer.

Great spaces: These home libraries will seem like paradise to book- and design-lovers alike.

ADVICE FROM WIRECUTTER

Do you really need to shampoo twice?

“Lather, rinse and repeat,” reads the back of many shampoo bottles. But is that final step really necessary? The answer certainly isn’t universal, but in some cases, there is a real benefit to shampooing twice, and it can make a noticeable difference in how clean your hair feels. If you have greasy roots, for instance, the first round helps break through the oil, giving the second wash more direct access to your scalp. This helps clear buildup that could lead to inflammation and irritation. And if you’re in the market to switch up your shampoo, our beauty experts have some favorites. — Hannah Frye

GAME OF THE WEEK

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C.J. Gardner-Johnson broke up a pass during a game in December.Credit...Patrick Mcdermott/Getty Images

Green Bay Packers vs. Chicago Bears, N.F.L. playoffs: One of the N.F.L.’s best rivalries gets a rare playoff matchup. The Packers enter this wild-card round on a four-game skid. But quarterback Jordan Love is set to return after missing two games, which could give the team a boost. “He’s hungry, he’s ready,” the team’s offensive coordinator said.

The Bears, on the other hand, are surging. After four straight losing seasons, a new head coach, Ben Johnson, has turned things around. And they have a breakout star in quarterback Caleb Williams, who set the franchise record for passing yards. But perhaps their biggest advantage will be a raucous Soldier Field. As tight end Cole Kmet put it, “To be able to be at home, against Green Bay, it’s going to be a special atmosphere.”

For more: The Athletic asked N.F.L. coaches and executives to predict the winners in all this weekend’s games. Here are their picks.

Tonight at 8 p.m. Eastern on Prime Video

NOW TIME TO PLAY

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Melissa Kirsch covers wellness and lifestyle and writes The Morning newsletter on Saturdays.

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