Key points

• The fear of looking dumb can emerge when one sees perceived intelligence as a measure of self-worth.
• The fear of looking dumb can hold you back from using emotional intelligence to make wise choices.
• Embracing your "dumb" moments can have unexpected rewards, like helping others learn and take healthy risks.
• You can turn "dumb" moments into assets by showing humor, humility, and openness.

Recently, I started my 4th semester at the University where I teach. On the first day of class, I introduced myself, but then I blanked on how many semesters I had taught there.

Maybe my brain fog was prompted by anxiety. Or maybe I was just distracted, thinking about whether I left the fridge door open at home. Whatever the cause, the incident was a bitter reminder of how people like my clients and I can struggle with the fear of looking dumb.

In some cases, fear of looking dumb is a symptom of social anxiety disorder (APA, 2022), and it can be associated with perfectionism and fear of failure. It can show up in issues such as imposter syndrome, or feeling like a fraud and worrying about not rising to the expectations of a high-achieving position. It can also be related to stereotype threat, when someone’s membership in a marginalized group leads them to worry that they will act in a way that confirms negative stereotypes.

Fear of looking dumb may also emerge from a psychological need to look (and act) smart, which is why any blunder, no matter how trivial, can feel like a threat to self-worth.

Society’s obsession with IQ as a marker of success can reinforce the need to look smart from a young age. When I was a child, my parents were thrilled because I played computer games while their friends were visiting. They thought this made me look smart. While their praise was genuine, the idea of screen time being a marker of intelligence was spotty, and research confirms that people are superficial in the way they gauge others’ intelligence. For example, one study found that people were judged to be more intelligent when they used a middle initial in their name.

On the other hand, emotional intelligence (EI), or the ability to manage one’s own emotions, understand others’ mental state, and adapt to change, has a strong effect on markers of success such as academic achievement. This is in part because EI increases self-efficacy, or one’s belief in their ability to solve problems despite difficulties.

Ironically, fear of looking dumb can interfere with making smart decisions.

For example, several of my students told me they wanted to choose what turned out to be the correct answer to exam questions. Because the answer sounded too simple, though, they doubted themselves and worried that the simplest response would make them look dumb.

Over-reliance on Artificial Intelligence can be another effect of needing to be perceived as smart. For example, research has found that people with higher self-efficacy are less likely to depend on AI to complete academic tasks for them. Ironically, AI may dull critical thinking skills.

Fear of looking dumb can also hurt relationships. For example, when I mixed up the tip over a lunch with close friends, I got so focused on computing the proper tip that I missed the next two questions that came up in our conversation.

Conversely, embracing foibles can be fruitful in unexpected ways. For instance, I’ve noticed that when I acknowledge my errors to my students, they seem to learn the corrected information even better. Consistent with my observation, research shows that deliberately making errors can be an effective learning strategy if it’s paired with thinking of alternative, correct solutions. Highlighting errors can also be humanizing. It gives others permission to make mistakes without fear.

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Of course, this doesn’t inspire me to purposefully mess up my lectures just to repair them. But telling funny stories of my past screw-ups seems to do the trick just as well.

It’s important to keep in mind that the qualities others admire in us are not always the same as those we assume will earn us respect, or the ones we value in ourselves.

For example, humor is another strength that can soar when you aren’t so caught up in needing to look smart. In 3rd grade, my genuine effort to answer a math question spurred a roar of laughter from my classmates, and I was mortified. In hindsight, I wonder why I didn’t respond by saying, “Well, I guess that’s why I’m not in the math club!” After all, people tend to see humor as a sign of competence!

My students and clients rarely comment on my intelligence in either their praise or criticism. Rather, they appreciate my engagement and creativity, traits that cognitive psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman highlights in the holistic perspective of intelligence that he has extensively researched.

As a society, we’re far from understanding all the dimensions of human potential. While it’s understandable to want to fit the mold of conventional intelligence, it’s also important to consider everything you are missing out on by clinging to it as if your value as a human being depended on it.

Here are some suggestions to put the fear of looking dumb in perspective:

1. Name the feeling – Sometimes it helps to tell others that you feel foolish or embarrassed. This shows self-awareness and humility.
2. Remind yourself of how easily you’ve forgiven others’ silly mistakes. This will help you see your blunders more realistically.
3. Tell funny stories about your “dumb” moments. This might help you see the holes in the story you’ve been telling yourself that your foibles make you less worthy.
4. Be honest with yourself about who you are trying to impress. It might just be a figment of your imagination. Then, take a deep breath and remind yourself that these moments don’t define you. They are simply part of being human.

When we respond to our human imperfection effectively, what we once saw as “dumb moments” become sources of curiosity, even fun. They drive us to keep learning about ourselves and others, and *that *is something worth celebrating.

References

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