Over the years, I’ve been interviewed many times by media and podcasts on the subject of rage. I can think of no experience more destabilizing to the sense of self than rage. However, the real culprit is chronic resentment.

What does rage look like?

Expressed rage looks out-of-control, scary, and dangerous. It can also look foolish. Suppressed rage looks like the body was dipped in thin plaster: rigid muscles, taut facial expressions, distended veins in the face and neck.

What are the causes of rage?

Rage is an extreme form of anger, with intense aggressive impulses. It’s caused by a perceived violation of rights, status, or personal boundaries. Ordinary anger rarely turns into rage without underlying chronic resentment.

Raging people are highly resentful. They feel like victims of an unfair world. When perceived injustices build to intolerable levels, any ego violation, real or imagined, large or small, can trigger rage.

What kind of person is prone to rage?

People are more at risk of rage when dismissive of other perspectives, intolerant of ambiguity, and especially when they regard disagreement as personal assault. They’re easily insulted, although they suppress their reactions until something they regard as egregiously offensive triggers an explosion. They have little compassion for others. They often suffer from embittered entitlement and cynical depression.

You’ve written that we’re more cognitively impaired when angry than when drunk. Why is that?

Here’s a declaration I ask clients seeking treatment to make:

I’m angry (or resentful, impatient, irritable, shut down, cranky, raging). I’m presently in an impaired mental state that reduces my ability to grasp ambiguity and see any nuance of a situation. My judgment, depth perception, and fine motor skills are impaired. I must not try to drive, negotiate, analyze an issue, or do anything important, until I have regulated this temporary state that has prepared me to fight, when I need to learn more, solve a problem, or be more compassionate.

Do children experience rage?

Children have temper tantrums; they may scream, stomp their feet, and flail their arms, but these lack the malicious, aggressive impulses of true rage.

Shaming or punishing children makes tantrums more intense and more frequent and fosters anger problems in adults. In the throes of tantrums, compassionately move the child to a safe place (where they can’t hurt themselves), while reassuring them that this is a temporary state; they will be okay in a little while.

After they calm down, ask them what triggered the tantrum and ask what they can do to make themselves feel better the next time the trigger occurs.

Can treatment reduce rage?

To control rage, we must control resentment. This isn’t easy because all thought processes while resentful justify and thereby reinforce resentment, with strong motives to retaliate.

Never think about whether resentment or anger are justified. Consider instead whether they’re good for you. Do they help you be the person you want to be? Do you want to build more value in your life or focus on feeling devalued?

Once resentment or anger becomes chronic, the most effective treatment involves reconditioning the emotional system. After several weeks of practicing skills, anger-regulation becomes automatic. Without having to stop and think about it, you automatically shift from making bad situations worse to trying to make them better.

• How Can I Manage My Anger?
• Take our Anger Management Test
• Find a therapist to heal from anger

The most potent antidote to rage is routinely behaving with kindness.

If you need help, look at this self-help boot camp.

To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.