Key points

• I thought there was nothing I could do if I were attacked. It turns out I was wrong.
• Learning to defend myself changed my life.
• Self-defense is about much more than kicking and hitting.

Welcome to my first blog post for Psychology Today! I’d like to share with you how I got here and what I’ll be offering in this space.

My Story

I think of fear of interpersonal violence as existing on a spectrum. At one end are people who think "nothing will happen to me" (denial), and at the other are those who are scared all the time.

I grew up in a big city where street harassment, starting for me when I was 11 (some 30 percent of girls in the U.S. experience their first public-space harassment before age 13), constantly reminded me of my vulnerability to sexual assault. I always believed that if anyone ever tried to rape me, there’d be nothing I could do because I assumed they’d be bigger and stronger than I was. So I was closer to the scared-all-the-time end of the spectrum.

When I was 28, I took my first self-defense class and learned that I did have options—that I did have power. That realization transformed my life. I now have options, and I understand that I can resist.

And it’s not just about physical strikes. I also learned that I have the right to speak up. I found my voice. I learned how to ask for what I wanted and to say “no” when I wanted to. I had less fear, more confidence. I was less angry and prickly because it was now safe to be kind.

This transformation was life-changing for me.

I wanted more.

So I took all the empowerment self-defense classes I could find (read more about how empowerment self-defense is different from other types of self-defense here). I wanted to share what I had learned and give students a chance to transform their own lives in their own ways, so I learned how to teach it. About 10 years after that first class, I quit my day job to be able to teach more than just nights and weekends.

What Is Empowerment Self-Defense?

Empowerment self-defense (ESD) is probably not what you think of as self-defense.

ESD teaches practical skills to those targeted for gender-based violence—primarily women and LGBTQIA+ people. These skills help people prevent, interrupt, and heal from interpersonal violence.

We teach those skills in the context of rape culture, addressing the physical, mental, emotional, social, and cultural components of advocating for and protecting yourself and others.

ESD is grounded in an understanding of social inequality and social justice, and it addresses the whole spectrum of gender-based violence, from harassment to attack, from microaggressions to trafficking.

In short, ESD is anything we think or say or do that helps us feel—and be—safe, strong, and respected. These are some of the core elements of an ESD program:

• Probably the most important way we’re different from most self-defense is that we actively oppose victim-blaming. We know that whatever someone decides to do in any situation, whatever action they do or don’t take, they aren’t at fault. The responsibility lies 100 percent with the aggressor.
• We know that trauma survivors are in every room, and we honor anything anyone has done or is doing to survive.
• We focus a lot on harassment, abuse, and assault by people we know, as that’s most common.
• We use and model consent throughout the class, and every activity in an ESD classroom is optional.
• We don’t use fear tactics, and we focus on students’ strengths rather than weaknesses and build on them.
• We practice assertive communication skills that can be used to interrupt all levels of violations—we don’t just teach physical strikes.
• We teach a toolbox of skills—physical, verbal, emotional—against assaults ranging from irritating to life-threatening.
• Our classes are accessible and inclusive. They include physical techniques that are simple, quick to learn, and easy to remember, and that people of different ages, sizes, and abilities can do.
• We don’t tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t do. We recognize that there are many ways to defend oneself, and we respect everyone’s decision to get through or survive the best way they can.

Does It Work?

My team and I at Defend Yourself have taught more than 40,000 people, most of them among those most targeted for gender-based violence: women, LGBTQIA+ people, and disabled people.

Students consistently tell us that empowerment self-defense training has been life-changing. They’re more able to speak up for themselves; less likely to blame themselves for harassment, abuse, and assault; more confident and less fearful; know themselves better; trust themselves more; have healthier relationships; and are more able to create the lives they want.

Research backs this up. Several studies have found that people who have taken an ESD class are more likely to avoid sexual assault if they’re targeted and less likely to be targeted to begin with. Studies also show ESD training decreases sexual harassment, sexual coercion, and physical violence.

Research also shows that ESD programs increase assertiveness, confidence, and self-esteem and decrease fear and anxiety. They can also reduce self-blame and help people heal.

In this space, I’ll be sharing what I’ve learned about preventing, interrupting, and healing from harassment, abuse, and assault. I hope it will support you in your efforts to more comfortably say “no,” ask for what you want, take up space, and be your authentic self. I’m glad you’re here.​

References

Increase confidence:

Hollander, J. A. (2014). Does Self-Defense Training Prevent Sexual Violence Against Women? Violence Against Women, 20(3), 252–269. https://doi.org/10.1177/1077801214526046

Jordan, J., & Mossman, E. (2017). “Don’t Ever Give Up!” Resisting Victimhood Through Self-Defense. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 36(3–4), NP1233-1258NP. https://doi.org/10.1177/0886260517744760

Senn, C. Y., Eliasziw, M., Hobden, K. L., Newby-Clark, I. R., Barata, P. C., Radtke, H. L., & Thurston, W. E. (2017). Secondary and 2-Year Outcomes of a Sexual Assault Resistance Program for University Women. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 41(2), 147–162. https://doi.org/10.1177/0361684317690119

Increase self-esteem:

Jordan, J., & Mossman, E. (2018). “Back Off Buddy, This Is My Body, Not Yours”: Empowering Girls Through Self-Defense. Violence Against Women, 24(13), 1591–1613. https://doi.org/10.1177/1077801217741217

Machisa, M. T., Mahlangu, P., Chirwa, E., Nunze, N., Sikweyiya, Y., Dartnall, E., Pillay, M., & Jewkes, R. (2023). Ntombi Vimbela! Sexual violence risk reduction intervention: Pre and one-year post assessments from a single arm pilot feasibility study among female students in South Africa. BMC Public Health, 23(1), 1242. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-023-16149-x

Decrease fear and anxiety:

Hollander, J. A. (2004). “I Can Take Care of Myself”: The Impact of Self-Defense Training on Women’s Lives. Violence Against Women, 10(3), 205–235.

Jordan, J., & Mossman, E. (2019). “Get Out of My Home and Don’t Come Back!” Empowering Women Through Self-Defense. Violence Against Women, 25(3), 313–336. https://doi.org/10.1177/1077801218768712

Thompson, M. E. (2023). Empowerment Through Feminist Self-Defense: The IMPACT Lasts. Violence Against Women, 29(14), 2915–2940. https://doi.org/10.1177/10778012231197576

Reduce self-blame:

Gidycz, C. A., Rich, C. L., Orchowski, L. M., King, C., & Miller, A. K. (2006). The Evaluation of a Sexual Assault Self-Defense and Risk-Reduction Program for College Women: A Prospective Study. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 30, 173–186.

Gidycz, C. A., Orchowski, L. M., Probst, D., Edwards, K., Murphy, M., & Tansill, E. (2015). Concurrent administration of sexual assault prevention and risk reduction programming: Outcomes for women. Violence Against Women, 21(6), 780–800.

Hollander, J. A., & Beaujolais, B. (2024). “I Have the Right to Defend Myself”: The Underlying Curriculum of Empowerment Self-Defense Training. Sex Roles, 90(1), 166–185. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-023-01425-2

Senn, C. Y., Barata, P., Eliasziw, M., Hobden, K., Radtke, H. L., Thurston, W. E., & Newby-Clark, I. R. (2022). Sexual assault resistance education’s benefits for survivors of attempted and completed rape. Women & Therapy, 45(1), 47–73.

Help people heal:

Hotchkiss, M. E., Weinberg, L., & Berke, D. S. (2024). Implementation of empowerment self-defense programming in a university counseling center: An effective sexual violence prevention delivery model. Journal of American College Health, 72(8), 2432–2440. https://doi.org/10.1080/07448481.2022.2115299

Rosenblum, G. D., & Taska, L. S. (2014). Self-Defense Training as Clinical Intervention for Survivors of Trauma. Violence Against Women, 20(3), 293–308. https://doi.org/10.1177/1077801214526048