I’m a therapist with reservations about the use of AI.

As a trauma therapist and dating and relationship coach, most of my work involves helping clients develop a strong sense of self-worth, build self-trust, and feel empowered as they date and pursue meaningful relationships. So it should come as no surprise that I have had some reservations about the use of AI to support one’s dating and relationship goals.

While AI is an extremely helpful tool and resource, it has also created a form of codependency among its users—especially when it comes to navigating interpersonal relationships and dynamics. I’ve had many clients share that they use AI to craft flirty texts and one-liners to prospective partners, interpret text message threads or exchanges, and/or assess the safety of a dating relationship. Ultimately, many folks are recruiting AI to do the heavy lifting that comes with dating. Instead of learning how to hone one’s intuition or inner knowing, being vulnerable by showing up authentically, or checking in with a safe person about a potentially high-risk situation with a date or partner, AI has become a crutch, making it harder for people to believe in themselves and their own abilities.

To put it simply, when we use AI to do the things we are capable of doing, it often reinforces the negative beliefs we already have about ourselves—such as “I can’t trust myself,” “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m powerless.” In this way, using AI can be a disservice by undermining our autonomy and our ability to think and speak for ourselves in ways that reflect our values and individual needs.

AI as a Lifeline for Those Who Are Isolated or Need More Guidance

All that being said, I also recognize that AI has become a lifeline for many. When you are isolated, don’t have access to therapy, or are in a precarious situation (such as experiencing abuse), AI may be—or feel like—the only option to process or work through a difficult experience. Therefore, it’s important to consider the ways AI can be used intentionally to increase one’s safety, support efforts to break free from harmful situations, and ultimately achieve healthy love.

Below I’ve identified three ways AI can be used to develop assertive communication, identify harmful patterns and increase your awareness:

1. Using AI to formulate boundary statements and build assertive communication skills

While dating and navigating relationships, it can be difficult to communicate one’s boundaries or limits. Many people hesitate to say “no” or be assertive due to fears of conflict, hurt feelings, and/or misunderstanding. However, when it comes to your emotional and physical safety, it is imperative to be clear and direct about what you are okay with and what you are not okay with.

AI chatbots, such as ChatGPT, can help you identify and formulate boundary statements when you are struggling to find the words or language.

For example, if a date is asking you to meet at their place and this feels uncomfortable, you might ask a chatbot, “How do I say no to a date who wants me to meet at their place?” or request, “Help me formulate a clear and firm response to a date asking me to come over to their home.” These platforms can give you wording to use and offer additional suggestions to help you reinforce or maintain the boundary.

2. Using AI to document and track concerning patterns of behavior

Oftentimes, while dating or in a relationship, we notice certain things in a date or partner that feel like they could be yellow or red flags, but we can’t really articulate why. When the behavior is subtle and we can’t quite put our finger on it, it’s easy to write it off as “not a big deal” or tell ourselves we’re being “too sensitive” or “dramatic.” This is common. But when something feels off, it usually is. That discomfort and gut feeling shouldn’t be disregarded. This is another instance in which AI can be handy.

If you’re noticing certain things a date or partner says or does that make you pause, start taking note of the behaviors or statements. You can use AI to track and document them and help identify patterns or abusive cycles that may be occurring. This strategy can also be helpful when a date or partner minimizes your concerns or downplays something. Having written documentation makes it much harder for someone to successfully gaslight you.

3. Using AI to track your feelings and how you are experiencing a partner or dating relationship

Abuse and toxic dynamics often go unnoticed when we don’t take the time to pause and consider how we are feeling or how the relationship may be affecting us. Similar to tracking the behaviors of a date or partner, you can use AI to document or track your feelings or inner experience as it relates to a date or relationship.

When you get in the habit of doing this consistently, AI can start to build connections and point out things about yourself and your own dating patterns (i.e., people-pleasing tendencies, anxious attachment) that may result in blind spots or make you more vulnerable to abuse or unsafe situations.

A new resource

While you can technically do these things via any AI chatbot, Aimee, an AI-powered companion, is a resource that was specifically designed to support people impacted by controlling or abusive relationships. Additionally, unlike some of the more generic AI chatbots, Aimee is private (meaning Aimee doesn’t train on user data and stores information securely).

At the end of the day, we are in the world of AI, and there is no going back. Might as well use it to our advantage as we seek safe and healthy love.