Romantic partners often do a lot for one another. They help each other cope with difficulties, survive, and thrive together. That shared assistance contributes to their relationship satisfaction too.

Even so, the supportive exchange between romantic partners is not a business transaction. Instead, like most processes of romantic attraction, it is both practical and emotional. Thus, we don’t just mechanically reciprocate with a romantic partner; we feel and express gratitude for their efforts too. In turn, they feel grateful and express their gratitude back to us, creating a virtuous cycle of support and satisfaction.

Given that, gratitude seems to be the center of healthy and happy relationship exchanges. Furthermore, feeling and expressing gratitude might be essential to relationship satisfaction as well. Fortunately, then, more recent research on the topic is putting all those pieces together—and sharing insights into how we can make our own relationships more appreciative and satisfying.

Gratitude, Support, and Satisfaction

Roth and associates (2024) surveyed 163 mixed-gender Swiss couples, exploring how each partner’s feelings and expressions of gratitude influenced their helping behaviors and relationship satisfaction. Specifically, they asked participants to report how much they helped their partner cope with stress and difficulties, along with how much gratitude their partner felt and expressed for those helping efforts. Finally, they evaluated how satisfied each partner was with their relationship overall.

Results comparing those measures showed a complex interaction among helping, gratitude, and satisfaction—as well as some differences between men and women. Specifically, men felt more satisfied with their relationship when they helped their female partners cope with stress. They seemed to enjoy feeling helpful and investing in their relationship directly, even in instances when a partner didn’t show them gratitude for it. Still, men did get a boost in satisfaction when they perceived that their partner was grateful for the help too.

In contrast, women were satisfied only when they perceived that their partner was grateful for their help and assistance. Essentially, women seemed to be more sensitive to their partner’s feelings and expressions of gratitude than to the direct effects of their own supportive behaviors. As a result, women’s perceptions of their male partner’s gratitude had the only significant effect on their own relationship satisfaction. Thus, if women didn’t feel appreciated for their efforts, they didn’t feel good about their relationship either.

Additional gender differences were found in the amounts of helping, gratitude, and satisfaction between male and female partners as well. To start, men tended to provide more coping support to their female partners than women did to their male partners. Nevertheless, female partners were perceived to be more grateful than male partners overall too. So, it appeared to be a balanced exchange, where men did a little more—but women were a little more grateful.

Unfortunately, though, women were also significantly less satisfied with their relationships than their male partners—highlighting a fundamental disconnect in heterosexual relationships. Given the gender differences above, men seemed more likely to overestimate their relationship satisfaction, overlooking instances when a female partner was not grateful or satisfied with their efforts. In contrast, women seemed more likely to underestimate their relationship satisfaction, discounting when a male partner offered practical support without specifically expressing his gratitude. Thus, (although anyone can make either oversight) men may be more likely to neglect how a partner emotionally feels about them, while women may be more likely to disregard what a partner practically does for them.

• Gratitude
• Take our Gratitude Test
• Find a therapist near me

Gratitude in Practice

Overall, the research above shows that our gratitude toward a partner and their gratitude toward us both contribute to relationship satisfaction. This aligns with the point in my book Attraction Psychology, that gratitude is an essential component of satisfying relationship exchanges (Nicholson, 2022). Nevertheless, the research above also highlights some mismatches between men and women regarding gratitude that deserve further consideration.

To start, men’s relationship satisfaction appears to be less sensitive to the gratitude of their partners. Instead, they feel good about a relationship when they are helpful and invest in it directly themselves. This is known as a consistency effect, which leads to feelings of commitment. Unfortunately, this focus could also make men more likely to fall in love by giving, not taking—leading to a one-sided exchange. Put simply, when men enjoy helping, without considering their partner’s level of investment and gratitude, they might end up in an unfair relationship with an unsatisfied partner (i.e., the friend zone).

Gratitude Essential Reads

In contrast, women’s relationship satisfaction appears to be largely about earning and receiving expressions of gratitude from their partners. Consequently, women feel good about a relationship when their hard work and effort are appreciated and rewarded. This makes sense, because such acknowledgment is essential for a rewarding relationship. Nevertheless, that focus on earning rewards and acknowledgment can also make women more likely to chase partners who influence by being scarce or withholding. Thus, they can end up pursuing partners who play hard to get and have no intention of offering them support or commitment in return (i.e., a situationship).

Fortunately, the solution to both problems is the same. Keep the exchange with your partner fair and balanced by utilizing a give-and-take strategy. When appropriate, reward them for their efforts with appreciation and praise. Also, if contributions do become unbalanced, or you feel underappreciated, then make them work for your efforts until the balance is regained. That combined approach will help to ensure that your contributions and those of your partner will be mutually appreciated—and mutually satisfying as well!

© 2025 by Jeremy S. Nicholson, M.A., M.S.W., Ph.D. All rights reserved.

References

Nicholson, J. S. (2022). Attraction Psychology: Solutions for Successful Dating and Relationships.

Roth, M., Good, N., Ledermann, T., Landolt, S. A., Weitkamp, K., & Bodenmann, G. (2024). Building happier bonds: gratitude as a mediator between dyadic coping and relationship satisfaction in romantic couples. Frontiers in Psychology, 15, 1452397. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2024.1452397