Have you noticed how stressed parents are today? Maybe you’ve heard your friends talking about how busy they feel, or how you all never have time to get together anymore. Maybe you notice how exhausted everyone looks at the school pick-up and drop-off lines, and it only seems to get worse. Or it’s probably instead that you are noticing it in yourself- this lingering pit of overwhelm that just seems to fester. It doesn’t improve with more sleep or a night off. It’s just always there.

The New Reality of Parenting: More to Hold Than Ever

When you stop to consider all that parents are juggling, it actually isn’t so surprising anymore. There are kids’ weekend and after-school schedules, spirit weeks (yet again) at their school, homework to manage, sports practices, dance events, band lessons, in addition to trying to also somewhat manage an adult life that also likely consists of work, responsibilities, relationships, plus physical health, and parental mental health needs. At some point, it all begins to feel like too much, with every single item on the list seeming all too precious and sacred to set down.

In 2024, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy, M.D., M.B.A, echoed a similar thing in “Parents Under Pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Mental Health & Well-Being of Parents.” The advisory provides numerous statistics, data, and personal anecdotes demonstrating just how difficult parenting feels in the current moment. This advisory also carefully details how detrimental long-term parental stress can be for adults’ physical and mental health outcomes.

The Emotional Load: The Hidden Job Previous Generations Didn’t Carry

Parents are feeling the daily stressors of parenting more than ever, but not just with the normal “to-dos." Beyond the mental load of day-to-day logistics, today’s parents carry a new responsibility, known as the emotional load or emotional labor of parenting—the responsibility of monitoring, shaping, and supporting their child’s emotional development in ways previous generations may not have even considered. Along with the practical tasks of feeding, bathing, clothing, and providing shelter, parents today are equally invested in the mental and emotional development of their children. New questions and worries seem to now surface, such as:

How does my child feel about our relationship?

How is my child developing their friendships?

Does my child know how to adequately communicate their needs?

Is my child comfortable having difficult conversations with me?

Is my child feeling supported emotionally?

What more can I do to ensure my child is becoming emotionally mature and resilient?

How Parenting Has Shifted Across Generations

Parenting has changed in many ways. When the generation of baby boomers were parents, high priorities were placed on high standards, discipline, respect, and compliance. Children were often to be “seen and not heard” and physical needs took precedence over emotional needs. Parents of Generation X became more involved in the day-to-day lives of their children and less authoritarian than Baby Boomers. Evolving the trend even further, millennial parents now seem to place great emphasis on emotional connection, quality time, and the mental health needs of children. Millennials are consuming emotional education, child development tips, and parent training far more than ever, but are they on the verge of burnout because of it?

The Four Reasons Today’s Parents Feel So Overwhelmed and Burned Out

Learning to manage the emotional load and emotional responsibility as a parent takes time, effort, and is becoming a lot more prevalent in today’s society. While it holds many significant benefits for the rising generation, it comes at a cost for many parents who report high levels of emotional burnout. So what does this look like? Here are four ways parents are showing up today for their children emotionally but that also might lead to more overwhelm.

• A Parent’s Role
• Take our Authoritative Parenting Test
• Find a family therapist near me

1. **Parents are spending a lot more time with their children. **Compared to the 1960s, modern parents spend nearly double the amount of time with their children than they used to. The current generation of parents is more likely to engage in games and play with children. Parents are attending extracurricular activities and after-school events, in addition to coordinating weekend activities that involve the entire family. A parent I work with has said, “My teenage daughter and I spend so much time together and we talk about everything. I love that we are able to spend so much time together and that I can be a source of grounding or a safe space for her. I don’t ever remember spending this much time with my mom.”
2. Parents have high exposure to mental health content. Social media has become a library full of therapist, psychologist, and parent educators who share topics such as mental health, emotional regulation, and child development. Parenting books have become far more commonplace and the expectation for parents to learn how to become parents has increased steadily. There truly is no gap of knowledge to be found, and sometimes parents might find this overwhelming. Parents I work with have said things such as: “I appreciate how informative social media and the internet can be to help me learn as a parent, but sometimes it’s overwhelming. It makes me doubt myself or wonder if I’m really doing the right thing. It’s hard to balance the information with trusting my own instincts.”
3. Parents are seeking more parental mental health therapy. Therapy can be useful for all adults, but especially for parents. Millennial parents in particular are beginning to take advantage of the benefits of engagement in therapy, which include stress management, trauma recovery, self-exploration, and richer emotional reflection. Parents I work with have shared that becoming a parent often intensifies their experience of their own emotions and how they understand the world. One parent said, *“I’ve been to therapy before to work on challenges I had as a child and felt like I had gotten better but once I became a mother, all of it started to resurface again and I started to struggle emotionally in new ways.” *
4. Parents are engaging in more gentle, emotionally attuned parenting. The standards for parents have changed and they now involve emotional maturity, warmth, and attunement. Parents today are becoming more intentional about eradicating cycles of physical and harsh punishments, and replacing this with more emotionally expressive communication, apologies for relational repair, and ample opportunities for connection. Gentle Parenting, Conscious Parenting, Positive Parenting, and Responsive Parenting are all becoming a lot more commonplace for modern parents. This extra work is powerful, and often feels exhausting. The parents I work with often describe it like this: "I can manage the lunches, the schedules, the activities—but it’s the emotional part that drains me. I’m tracking my child’s feelings, my own reactions, and trying to parent consciously in real time.”

Why This Overwhelm Makes Sense—and Why It’s Not a Failure

Parenting stress is more common than ever but for very good reason. Emotional health is a top priority and parents are acting accordingly with increased quality time with their children, engagement in parent education and enrichment activities, and a complete reform of parenting practices. So it’s no wonder that parents are feeling overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted at higher rates than previous generations. Parents are significantly shifting the foundation of emotional well-being for an entire generation of children and this is very critical work. It leads me to wonder if these experiences of overwhelm are not a failure, but rather an indication of one generation greatly shaping the emotional landscape of the next.

Parenting Essential Reads

Imagine a world where children are seen and heard. Where children grow up in emotionally safe and supportive environments, and get to experience warm, rich, and emotionally connected relationships with their caregivers. Imagine children having the emotional language to adequately express their needs, desires, plus the empathy and emotional intelligence to adequately understand their peers as well.

I now believe this is becoming more of a reality, thanks to parents who are willing to carry the emotional load of deeper emotional wealth for their children.

If you’re a parent feeling the weight of this emotional labor of love, you’re not alone—and support is available.

To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

References

Murthy, V. H. (2024). Parents under pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory on the mental health and well-being of parents. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Thornton, A. (2024). *A parent’s guide to self-regulation: A practical framework for breaking the cycle of dysregulation and mastering emotions for parents and children. *Ulysses Press.