It’s January, and your inbox and social media feed are probably filled with “New Year Reset” ideas and offers, from gym ads to planners and habit trackers. A familiar question emerges: What are your New Year’s resolutions?

For the most part, our resolutions revolve around the idea of taking on more. Exercise more, sleep more, learn more, be a better partner, parent, friend, or employee. These are often coupled with the doing-less list—less doomscrolling, less alcohol, less processed food—which, of course, are ultimately in service of becoming more.

All these resolutions are based around achievement and optimisation. Of course, there is nothing inherently wrong with improving oneself. We are, after all, goal-oriented by nature. However, recognising that we have an innate need for growth and development doesn’t address the deeper issue of which goals and why. Goal-setting theory explains the mechanism but not the direction.

For these goals or desires to be sustainable, there are deeper questions that need to be considered.

Before we do that, let’s look at why New Year’s resolutions can be a great idea.

A Fresh Start

Research tells us that specific dates, such as the New Year or birthdays, serve as “temporal landmarks” that create a psychological boundary between past and future—a metaphorical opportunity to wipe the slate clean.

This “fresh start effect” can increase our motivation to follow through on good intentions. It provides an opportunity to leave behind the version of ourselves that we are disappointed or frustrated with, and try again with renewed vigour and motivation.

But this prompts a bigger question—try again at what and for whom?

The Hidden Problem

When we take a closer look at the types of goals people set for themselves, they often reflect what we think we *should *be doing. These “shoulds” often mirror cultural ideals more than a deeper personal truth. This could mean fitness as an obligation rather than increased vitality, productivity to prove worth rather than personal effectiveness, or learning as status rather than curiosity.

This is where many resolutions fail. Not because of willpower or discipline, but rather, because before we answer the question, “What do I want to achieve?” we need to understand “who” is doing the wanting.

The Question of “Who,” Not “What”

If you consider your ideals or goals, pause for a moment and drop your attention into your body. Where does your desire to attain this goal reside? Do you feel a sense of expansion and openness, or a sense of constriction and pressure? This isn’t about being “right” as such; rather, it provides some interesting data. Goals are more likely to feel energising when they are aligned; others will feel heavy when they come from internal pressure.

If we consider the person who wants to be fitter or stronger, is that an authentic desire or an internalised ideal arising from social media? Or the person who wants to be more productive—what’s driving them, and whose definition of productivity is being entertained? Or perhaps the person who wants to write a novel: Does that arise from a deeper creative urge or societal pressure to be impressive?

• What Is Motivation?
• Take our Ambition Test
• Find a therapist near me

Before asking yourself, “What do I want to achieve this year?” pause and reflect on who is the “I” that wants to achieve it.

The “Ought-Self” Trap

Sometimes, that “I” is a genuine, authentic preference. But sometimes it comes from an “ought-self”—an amalgamation of conditioning, expectations, comparisons, and cultural narratives.

Self-discrepancy research describes the tension that can exist between an ideal-self, ought-self, and actual-self. When a goal comes from the ought-self, it tends to be accompanied by guilt, comparison, agitation, and self-criticism. We can fall into a conformity trap where we feel a societal pressure to be doing and achieving more.

Motivation Essential Reads

A Different Kind of Reset

Our culture is one that views “more” as virtuous and intelligent. However, many people are already overworked and overwhelmed. Could it be that the smarter move is doing less?

Consider these subtraction questions:

• What do I need to stop doing to feel more energised and alive?
• What can I do less of to feel a greater sense of freedom?
• What obligations aren’t actually mine?
• What am I doing out of guilt or impression-management?
• What would I do if I didn’t need to prove anything?

This creates space to pose some deeper questions:

• What do I really want that feels true to me?
• What kind of person am I becoming?
• If no one else knew, what would I do and how would I do it?
• What do I already know about my life that I’ve been avoiding?

From Insight to Action

To keep things practical, don’t attempt a major overhaul of your identity; instead, pick one meaningful change that feels energising and expansive, then translate that into a simple plan or system that you can implement.

For example, if you decide you want to improve your energy levels and cognitive functioning, you could pick two mornings to exercise and schedule it in, noticing what shifts over the coming weeks. Or something a little deeper: Note an obligation that’s driven by people-pleasing and pull back, breathe, and feel into what aligns with your authentic needs and values.

The New Year can provide an opportunity for a powerful psychological reset. Temporal landmarks help you mentally separate from past mistakes or failures and feel ready to begin again, to start afresh.

But the most valuable reset isn’t necessarily about adding more or becoming an impressive version of yourself for others to marvel at. Rather, it’s about cultivating an awareness of what really drives you and what you really value. So, before you set goals, get curious about the self that is setting them.

When you get clear on the “who” you are, the “what” follows with greater ease and simplicity. Effort feels less like force and more like flow.