When I blew out the candles on my birthday cake this past weekend, I thought to myself, "Here I am firmly planted in the fifth decade of my life. And I like it!"
Not because it makes me feel better to say positive things to myself about aging—although self-talk matters. I like it because the week before my birthday I swiftly declined a business opportunity that I knew was not a good fit for me.
The conversation went like this: The woman on the phone said, “Take a few weeks to mull it over.” I replied, “I am most appreciative of your time and don’t want to waste it. I will pass on the opportunity. Thank you.”
Twenty years ago, I would have tied myself in knots ruminating over which way …
When I blew out the candles on my birthday cake this past weekend, I thought to myself, "Here I am firmly planted in the fifth decade of my life. And I like it!"
Not because it makes me feel better to say positive things to myself about aging—although self-talk matters. I like it because the week before my birthday I swiftly declined a business opportunity that I knew was not a good fit for me.
The conversation went like this: The woman on the phone said, “Take a few weeks to mull it over.” I replied, “I am most appreciative of your time and don’t want to waste it. I will pass on the opportunity. Thank you.”
Twenty years ago, I would have tied myself in knots ruminating over which way to go. The years of making hit and missed decisions in my career that led to profound disappointments and euphoric victories, paid me back in the form of earned wisdom. I made the right choice for myself, instantly.
While I can’t ignore the fact that my body has changed over the years, I love the fact that my fifth decade, combined with a heavy investment in my mental health—I believe any good therapist has been a therapy client too—has blessed me with the mindset to embrace my curves, push-up bra, and menopause support supplements. Admittedly, in my thirties, I tried to feel self-assured and attractive—pouring tremendous effort into finding the perfect pink shade of lip gloss. Because I know confidence and sex appeal is 100% mental today, I work at things like learning Spanish, growing spiritually, and becoming a better writer, not at enhancing parts of myself that are better "unmessed" around with.
And by the way, for the readers in their second and third decades—I suspect there will be more than a few of you—resolve to love your body by drinking copious amounts of water each day, exercising regularly, and taking it easy on the alcohol. Your body will reward you generously in your upper years with stamina, strength, and beauty. You will appreciate this gift in your fifth and sixth decades in ways that are difficult to right now.
According to Pew Research, the average American wants to live until 91 years old. I count myself among these folks. While I fully appreciate the magnetic force of youth, the problem with youth is the sheer amount of time often required to get comfortable in your skin. The power of the fifth and sixth decades is the accompanying reality that you’re closer to slipping your skin than getting it retrofitted.
The fifth and sixth decades of life are precious in a time-sensitive sort of way. The increasing awareness of time is a natural byproduct of aging that invites us to live life more intentionally, rather than with a casual approach.
On the evening of my birthday, I reflected on five strengths the fifth decade has helped me to forge. I sincerely hope you are enjoying these gifts. God-willing, the list will continue to grow well into the sixth decade.
**Sharp, efficient decision making. **My Grandpa Hood had a saying when we were growing up, “I’ve been around the block, kid! I know a few things.” Today, I understand what he meant. The mental clutter that once demanded intense deliberation fades to black for many of us in our fifties and sixties. We no longer require a three-day meditation in Siberia before making decisions. One gut check will suffice. These are the years that return precious time to us.
**Unapologetic movement toward what moves you. **Last week, I sat with a client who was in her late fifties. We had a high-five moment and a long chuckle of understanding when she said, “This stuff is for the birds! I refuse to deal with circumstances that are draining at this point in my life. No way!” Instead of spending a well-deserved vacation with her constantly complaining adult child, she opted to take a solo vacation to the tropics.
**Unburdened by the restrictive thoughts and opinions of others. **One of the greatest gifts in the later stages of life is realizing that so many of the opinions of others that haunted us were never ours to carry. Being endlessly agreeable has lost its appeal to me. I still care, but wisely. I finally realized that my former *people-pleasing *nature was just a sad way to throw myself under the bus. Good riddance to that!
Aging Essential Reads
**Well-developed Spidey Senses that help us see around corners and avoid problems. **Years of lived experiences sharpen our senses into something almost supernatural. Like Spider-Man, we become the superheroes in our lives, and the lives of those we love, by taking full advantage of this earned wisdom. I am walking my thirteen-year-old daughter through the tribulations of tweenhood now. She recently asked, “How did you know that was going to happen, mom?” I smiled gently and said, “Momma’s been there, kiddo.”
**A deep appreciation for and commitment to physical and mental wellness. **Paying attention to our mental and physical health becomes very real and less performative when we see the high cost of losing good health all around us. Last year, I visited someone at a mental health recovery facility. He landed there (in his early sixties) after going through a rough divorce. His words will remain with me: “This is what happens when you don’t take care of your mental health. I’m here because of years of stress and self-neglect.”
If we choose to embrace our life at every age and stage, while staying mindful of the power of self-care, the fifties and sixties can be more dynamic and rewarding than we ever imagined.
Cheers to your continued celebrations!