In 2026, there are some amazing programs being made by genius coders, who are happy to hand out their code for free so that people can be sure of their security.

One such program is Jitsi - their biggest offense in my book is their name, which is hard to say is or is not really offensive.

This group of coders made all good decisions. One, they open-sourced their code so that people can be sure of their security.

Using the in-browser model familiar to anyone who has used Google Meet, you can be sure that you are able to manage the permissions that the app is asking for from your machine; microphone, sure! camera, maybe another day. files, hell no! Because you already are using a browser now, you know you can be on any call in a couple quick clicks.

People say Zoom is secure, but nobody knows this! Any app that claims to be end-to-end encrypted needs to share their code if they aim for their claim to be credible. In 2025, the rulebook changed in many crucial places; if we are unable to rely on our health insurance companies to keep our records secure, who seriously imagines that unimaginably young, unimaginably rich coders are going to handle the vault keys properly?

...and, they don’t even claim to! Reading through their policies, you only have to go a few paragraphs before you see that they group their users into two camps; their super-special paying organizations, which have the threat of legal action on their side, and the large mass of casual users, who share reunions, medical discussions, holiday celebrations, and phone sex.

Coders are creeps!

Yes, I am also a creep. Of course I am! I code online! And I know precisely how much I could access if I cared to look. The difference is that I’m a smidge more scientific, much more self-obsessed, and uphold a really unique philosophy around commercial success.

To me, success in 2026 is being able to keep a goddamn secret! Is being able to choose which business you share, and which you share with specific people!

So, I’m going to pass on your creepy-ass Zoom calls! If there’s one that I really need to be on, I’m going to spin up a VM on my computer so that it has no idea of the other files laying around, such as my ~/passcodes.csv. If you are such a negligent bullhead as to get me onto your call, you’ll be unable to see me because my VM cannot access my camera! By design! Same for my microphone, so I’ll plug in a USB mic if I really need to speak up. More likely than not though, I’m exhausted by now. I’ll spend the full duration of the call eeking a small echo of pleasure from the continuation of this rambling alarm, for your sheepish audience to rub their enablist shame in.

And if we’re really lucky, we’ll still have something to talk about by the end, so I’ll follow along to your marginally-less harmful Slack or Discord channels, where I’ll keep. name. dropping. Jitsi.

Please remember that our holier-than-health Zoom took the world by storm in the middle of a panicked response to an airborne toxic event!

No one read the conditions back then, and those conditions have changed on numerous occasions - each - year - since then.

Here’s where those conditions are now, according to ToS;DR. There are so many angry red data horrors that the following green "You maintain ownership of your data" is seriously the most disrespectful sentence I have ever come across. That’s so goddamnfuckingbumasshurt meaningless!

Here’s some big ones:

• This service may collect, use, and share location data
• This service gives your personal data to third parties involved in its operation
• This service may keep personal data after a request for erasure for business interests or legal obligations
• The service may sell your data unless you opt out
• This service forces users into binding arbitration in the case of disputes
• The service may use tracking pixels, web beacons, browser fingerprinting, and/or device fingerprinting on users.
• This service gathers information about you through third parties
• You waive your right to a class action.
• Your personal data may be used for marketing purposes
• Instead of asking directly, this Service will assume your consent merely from your usage.
• The service uses your personal data to employ targeted third-party advertising
• This service gives your personal data to third parties involved in its operation
• Your data may be processed and stored anywhere in the world
• Any liability on behalf of the service is only limited to the fees you paid as a user

Many of the "green thumbs" are meaningless when combined alongside the red alarms. Compare:

• You can request access, correction and/or deletion of your data
• This service may keep personal data after a request for erasure for business interests or legal obligations

If you really need to see me so exposed, find me at the local sex club. If you need me on board for your cause, begin securing your business.

Goddamn.