It is a truth universally acknowledged, at least in my social circles, that co-parenting a dog is a bad idea. Most will tell you: shared canine custody arrangements prevent exes from moving on. It’s a logistical headache. It causes fights. It’s annoying for all involved (and then some). And apparently, in a revelation worthy of a straight-to-streaming movie, it makes dogs depressed.

Not to minimize the mental health of dogs – I’ve listened to my mother boast about our family chihuahua’s “EQ” enough to know that man’s best friend has the capacity for great emotional sensitivity. (And the ability to convey it on command – for a truly outstanding performance of doggie depression, please see Bing the bereft great dane in 2024’s The Friend.) I have no doubt that a dog like Merv, a wired-hair terrier sort played by Gus the Dog in Merv’s eponymous Amazon movie, would struggle to adjust from life in a single family unit to split homes. Whether or not the ill-advised dog-sharing arrangement can sustain a whole Christmas romcom, however, is a dubious proposition.

To be fair, Merv, written by Dane Clark and Linsey Stewart and directed by British playwright Jessica Swale, does not pretend to be bigger or better than it is. This is a tech company-cum-studio holiday release – it is not that deep. You know the plot will be simple and straightforward – forced to confront the fact that their respective post-split depressions are outmatched only by Merv’s, exes Russ (Charlie Cox, thankfully allowed to still be British) and Anne (Zooey Deschanel) take a cheer-up trip to a dog resort, where they will presumably stumble into realizing that they’re better off together. The side characters – here played by Chris Redd, Jasmine Mathews, Wynn Everett and Ellyn Jameson – will be eccentric, underused, overtuned, or all of the above. The visual quality will be that of an Amazon brand bestseller, the wintry atmosphere obviously contrived. (In this case, the fake snow clumps around verdant trees, as North Carolina in June stands in for Boston in December.)

Whether or not these known quantities cohere into something enjoyable, then, depends on the quality of the performances, and one’s appetite for comfort food. On the second count, Merv selects a key target audience – the type to scroll Instagram Reels for dog videos, and please know I say that with an algorithm that is 70% chihuahua videos – and delivers with a plethora of dog montages. The selling point is dog, and though that unfortunately entails some awkward edits between dog line (of sorts) and human response, Merv delivers on dog beach, dog party, dog walk, dog depression and, ultimately, doggie joy.

The same cannot be said for the human side of the project, which veers uneasily between relationship study, winking zaniness, basic romcom and slapstick, not really nailing any of them. That’s no fault of Cox, who is admirably game here, willing to go for the silly and cringe necessary to fully participate at the resort for dogs. There’s an inherent self-deprecation to the performance that is winsome, supplying more than his share of the charm and the chemistry for this obviously perfect-for-each-other couple on the rocks. Deschanel, as she does, brings a certain millennial quirkiness to the proceedings, which either is your speed or isn’t. Her Anna is a touch too dry and aloof for my taste, particularly when matched with Cox’s sad-sack sincerity. (For what it’s worth – though not given much to do besides “be depressed”, Gus the Dog flops on the floor and whines convincingly – he’s no Messi in Anatomy of a Fall, but still a very good boy.)

Merv tries to imbue Anna and Russ’s relationship with enough weight to carry through scenes without the title dog present – a shame, as he is by far the cutest part of this cute-aiming pic – and, as expected, meets the bare minimum. There is a reason why the two broke up, one which would feel more grounded and adult if provided a little more time to sink in and a little less blunt explanation. As it is, Merv is slight and sweet and entirely to expectations. Making a movie about co-parenting a dog is not a bad idea – though I wouldn’t say it’s a great one, either.

Merv is available on Amazon Prime on 10 December