Everyone talks code, few talk stress. Here’s my take: original article

TL;DR: Pain is unavoidable. Resistance multiplies it. Acceptance and Self-compassion reduces the damage.

Where This Landed for Me

Over the New Year, I went to the 2025/2026 Beneath the Baobab Festival1 with a close friend. Here, I mostly solo raved, finding myself quietly (at least most of day one) reflecting on some heavier chapters of my life: dark themes around death/grief; the abrupt end of a long-term commitment last February; the persistent cloud of depression in my community; and my own on-going struggle for mental/emotional stability.

One moment stood out. A homie shared some game that stayed with me long after the music died out234:

Suffering=Pain×Resistance Suffering = Pain \times Resistance

How Pain Becomes Suffering

In meditation circles, you often hear: "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."3

Here, pain is what we cannot control (e.g., illnesses, grief because of the death of a loved one, a break-up). It is the "rawness" of the ache of that particular experience. Resistance is what we add on top of it - it acts as a multiplier.

Resistance shows up in thoughts like:

• "This (sh/c)ouldn’t be happening."
• "Why now?"
• "How could (s/h)e do this at my lowest point?"
• "I need to fix this."

When my ex left during a fragile period, the pain was unavoidable. What turned it into deep suffering was my resistance: replaying the story, arguing with reality, insisting that things should have gone differently.

Pushing against reality consumes mental/emotional energy and multiplies our pain. We suffer more.

When We Turn Against Ourselves

In times of suffering, we can sometimes notice our own resistance. That’s when self-criticism shows its ugly self.

We judge ourselves harshly for struggling:

• "I’m better than this. I shouldn’t feel this way."
• "I suck at being ‘okay’."
• "I’ll just compartmentalize this and deal with this pain later."

This pattern is sometimes called "resisting resistance"4. A clearer name is self-criticism.

The equation now looks like this:

Suffering=Pain×Resistance×SelfCriticism Suffering = Pain \times Resistance \times SelfCriticism

We are not only in pain, we are also attacking ourselves for being human.

What Actually Helps: Acceptance and Self-Compassion

The antidote to resistance is acceptance2.

Acceptance doesn’t mean liking the situation or resigning to it. It simply means acknowledging reality without forcing it to be different. Not everything is under our control2.

To counter self-criticism, we add self-compassion. If resistance and self-criticism are multipliers, self-compassion is the divisor4:

Suffering=(Pain×Resistance)SelfCompassion Suffering = \frac{(Pain \times Resistance)}{SelfCompassion}

Self-compassion is offering yourself the same kindness you would offer a close friend:

"This hurts. My resistance is making it harder. I’m allowed to care for myself here."

Pain remains, but suffering is reduced

A Simple Practice

When life feels heavy, I’m learning how to follow these steps2:

1. Notice a painful emotion/thought.
2. Observe thoughts of resistance (e.g., "Why me?") and let them pass.
3. Re-center by accepting circumstances, even if unpleasant.
4. Focus on physical sensations, acknowledging their temporary status.
5. Release judgment.

Finding Peace Under the Baobabs

Standing under the baobabs, I realized I don’t need to eliminate pain to find peace. Meditation and mindfulness don’t remove the ache of heartbreak or depression; they remove the unnecessary suffering we pile on top.

Think of pain as a heavy backpack. Resistance is trying to run uphill while complaining about the weight. Self-compassion is stopping, breathing, and tightening the straps. The load is the same, but the journey becomes manageable.

References

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Beneath the Baobab Festival ↩ 1.

Buggy, P. Suffering = pain * resistance. Mindful Ambition. https://mindfulambition.net/suffering-pain-resistance/ ↩ 1.

Selassie, S. (2023, October 28). Pain x resistance = suffering. Happier Meditation. https://www.happier.com/blog/pain-x-resistance-suffering/ ↩ 1.

Saltzman, A. (2025, August 5). The new math: Suffering = (pain x resistance) / self-compassion. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/find-your-true-flow/202508/the-new-math-suffering-pain-x-resistance-self-compassion ↩