For years, I have tried to repair myself with the usual techniques that everyone talks about. You know, like principles, habits, systems, yada yada. I was quite into them, followed them for a few days, sometimes even weeks, then watched them collapse without understanding why. It just never worked with me. I deduced a simple reason to why that was the case. Systems that depend on constant conscious effort die the moment life becomes comfortable.

Procastination has been a recurring character in my life. It sits in the room even when I pretend not to notice it. Oddly enough, it does disappear whenever the stakes are high. It’s only when things softened and became safe did the hesitation return, the slowing down, which made me question, perhaps comfort was the real danger all along?

I realized, only recently, that my most intense periods of work had nothing to do with discipline. They were products of obsession. Take one example from four years ago. I was preparing for my high school finals, and at the time I had a singular ambition. I wanted to get to North America. I had wanted it since middle school, and those grades were the gateway. I worked relentlessly because the goal sort of just consumed me. And in the end, it paid off.

So what happened once I finally got to Canada? The slowdown, of course. Who would have guessed. The moment I arrived, a strange relief settled in. I told myself that I had made it, that the hard part was over. I stopped setting new goals, well actually no, I still had plenty to achieve. I just imagined them as distant and therefore not urgent. By my third year, the consequences showed up. I could not land an internship. Suddenly the comfort evaporated and he stakes returned and so was my obsessive behaviour.

I became obsessed with getting a job, getting any foothold in the industry. Oddly, what pushed me over the edge was scrolling through Reddit and seeing post after post from recent graduates who could not find work. It hit me harder than it should have. I kept thinking, that cannot be me. I cannot let my family down. Worse, I cannot let myself down. So I got to work, and about six months later I cracked my first internship.

Maybe this is all there is. The solution to my lifelong cycle of procrastination was sitting in front of me the whole time, but I was too busy diagnosing myself with imaginary flaws to see it. I do not improve through conscious effort into discipline. I simply get seized by certain desires, and while they grip me, I move with force. When they loosen, I stop. Discpline becomes a by-product of obsession, at least in my case.

You can only become the best version of yourself by putting in the hours. Time matters, but only when it is used with intent. For me atleast, the only way to reach that state where work feels inevitable is through obsession. I need to be consumed by the goal. My systems makes sense only then orbit a goal. Only then do I have a real shot at greatness.

Cheers, to harnessing the great power of Obsession.