Dean of the Dead

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I’m Your Uploaded Bloodwork Results, and No, I Will Not Explain Myself to You

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An Open Letter to Donald Trump, from a Grateful Canadian Family He Has Unintentionally United

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A Brief Questionnaire Before You Adopt This Rescue Cat

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I Started Reading Performatively, and Turns Out Books Are Pretty Good

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Make Preschool Great Again: A Federal Compact

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Hi, It’s Me, Wikipedia, and I Am Ready for Your Apology

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Posts from the Liberal Dark Web, Ca. 2027

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Donald Trump’s White House Ballroom Was Funded by Private Donors. Same Goes for the Crocodile Moat

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Excerpts from The Believer: Game: The Cryptic Crossword

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How Long Were You Going to Let Me Keep Mispronouncing “Chopin,” Janice?

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Of Course the President Feels Strange About Paying Himself $230 Million of Taxpayers’ Money, but Really, What Else Is He Supposed to Do?

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The Boxcar Children and the Mystery of the Missing Norms

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I, a French Jewel Thief, Refuse to Rob the Louvre Before Mid-Morning

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People Are Dying to Eat at Our Insufferable Pop-Up Restaurant

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Our Wedding Gifts: Ten Years Later

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Your Local Hiking Trail Has Had It with You People

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Come as You Are, Unless You’re Noticeably Black or Disabled

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The Partisans Are Wrong: Holding No Sincere Beliefs Is the Way to Win

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At Least We Owned the Libs

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