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The Onion
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Overbearing Girlfriend Expects Man To Take Feelings In Head, Use Words To Say Them Into World
The Onion
8w
8 weeks ago
The Onion
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Actions for Overbearing Girlfriend Expects Man To Take Feelings In Head, Use Words To Say Them Into World
U.S. Mint Unveils Series Of Gold Coins Commemorating President’s Extramarital Affairs
The Onion
8w
8 weeks ago
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Actions for U.S. Mint Unveils Series Of Gold Coins Commemorating President’s Extramarital Affairs
JD, Usha Vance Welcome Baby Boy
The Onion
8w
8 weeks ago
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RFK Jr. Reminded Not To Microwave Himself In Office Kitchen
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8w
8 weeks ago
1 min read
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Chippendales Recalls 4,000 Tons Of Tainted Man Meat
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8w
8 weeks ago
2 min read
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China Viewed More Favorably Than U.S.
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8w
8 weeks ago
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George R.R. Martin Hands Agent Unsolicited, 4,000-Page Manuscript Titled ‘Tuba Man, Scuba Man’
The Onion
8w
8 weeks ago
1 min read
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Actions for George R.R. Martin Hands Agent Unsolicited, 4,000-Page Manuscript Titled ‘Tuba Man, Scuba Man’
Mike Johnson Struggles To Hold Speaker Gavel While Wearing Anti-Masturbation Mitts
The Onion
8w
8 weeks ago
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Actions for Mike Johnson Struggles To Hold Speaker Gavel While Wearing Anti-Masturbation Mitts
Man Angry He Got Hit By Sprinkler Acting Like He’s Never Going To Be Dry Again
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8w
8 weeks ago
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Actions for Man Angry He Got Hit By Sprinkler Acting Like He’s Never Going To Be Dry Again
A24’s ‘Elden Ring’ Film Stalled After Red Phantom Named TwinkPunisher Invades Set
The Onion
8w
8 weeks ago
1 min read
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Actions for A24’s ‘Elden Ring’ Film Stalled After Red Phantom Named TwinkPunisher Invades Set
Nation Wakes Up From Strange Dream Where They Were Watching Soccer
The Onion
8w
8 weeks ago
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Actions for Nation Wakes Up From Strange Dream Where They Were Watching Soccer
Tate Brothers Vehemently Deny They Did Anything Consensual
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8w
8 weeks ago
2 min read
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Actions for Tate Brothers Vehemently Deny They Did Anything Consensual
‘No Bars Can Hold Me,’ Says Andrew Tate Entering 9th Hour Of Trying To Pry Open Cell
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8w
8 weeks ago
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Actions for ‘No Bars Can Hold Me,’ Says Andrew Tate Entering 9th Hour Of Trying To Pry Open Cell
Never-Ending Pasta Pass Returns To Olive Garden
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8w
8 weeks ago
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Actions for Never-Ending Pasta Pass Returns To Olive Garden
Study Finds There Aren’t Enough Occasions Where You Get To Eat Rolls
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8w
8 weeks ago
1 min read
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Actions for Study Finds There Aren’t Enough Occasions Where You Get To Eat Rolls
Political Profile: Todd Blanche
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8w
8 weeks ago
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Actions for Political Profile: Todd Blanche
Bat Dog Clearly Pregnant
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8w
8 weeks ago
2 min read
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Actions for Bat Dog Clearly Pregnant
Trump Insists Frequent Naps Necessary To Protect U.S. Interests In Dreamland
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8w
8 weeks ago
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Actions for Trump Insists Frequent Naps Necessary To Protect U.S. Interests In Dreamland
Parents Sit Kids Down For Difficult Discussion About Moving To Ad Tier
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8w
8 weeks ago
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Actions for Parents Sit Kids Down For Difficult Discussion About Moving To Ad Tier
Argentina Recognizes Goldfish As Sentient Beings With Rights
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9w
9 weeks ago
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Actions for Argentina Recognizes Goldfish As Sentient Beings With Rights
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