The Onion theonion.com

Dove Finally Admits Some People Ugly

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Peter Barnell

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JD Vance Places Candle Outside Hooters Where ICE Agents Were Heckled

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ICE Issues Ransom Note Demanding $65 Billion If U.S. Wants To See Minnesota Again

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Canned Tuna Recalled For Potentially Fatal Botulism Mistakenly Reshipped

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Trump Alleges That Democrats Secretly Paid Alex Pretti To Be Model Citizen

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Kristi Noem Calls On Minneapolis Residents To Stop Obstructing Murders

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That’s Norway to Treat a Lady

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God Informs Humanity Choking People Meant To Die

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Sean McDermott Expresses Gratitude To The People, If You Want To Call Them That, Of Buffalo

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What To Know About Trump’s Board Of Peace

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‘Sinners’ Sets Oscar Record With 16 Nominations

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Squirrel Plays Off Falling Out Of Tree Like He Totally Meant To

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Disney Exec Reminds Toddler Only IP Goes On Fridge

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Nothing Ever Good Enough For Captive

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Rams-Seahawks Game Preempted By ‘Everybody Hates Chris’ Rerun

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Trump Boys Put Nobel Peace Prize In Microwave

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Entire French Populace Moved To Tears By Cartoon Of Robot Holding Flower

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Katy Perry’s Friends Skeptical Of Alleged Powerful Boyfriend Who Lives In Canada

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Onus Of Giving Parents Grandchildren Placed On Least Fucked-Up Sibling

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