The Onion theonion.com

George Clooney, 1,000 Paparazzi Granted French Citizenship

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To Cirrhosis With Love

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Disney Licenses Characters For Use On OpenAI Video Generator

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Health Speculations Swirl As Trump Seen With Damage Numbers Above Head

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Bloated Nation Struggling To Work Way Through Leftover Rijstevlaai

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Tech Billionaires Threaten To Flee California Over Proposed Vest Tax

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Images Of National Parks Replaced With Trump’s Face On Annual Passes

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MTA Admits To Fabricating Large Parts Of Subway Map

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Santa Tracker Shows Sleigh Stopped For 40 Minutes Outside Old Girlfriend’s House

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Bullshit Newborn Not Even Christ

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Felt Beard Taped To Child’s Face Hanging On For Dear Life With Entire Christmas Pageant To Go

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Ho, Ho, Ho! I’m Regrowing My Foreskin!

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McConaissance Quietly Concludes

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State Department Reinstates Times New Roman Font Over DEI Concerns

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Hockey Players Blast ‘Heated Rivalry’ For Unrealistic Depiction Of Anal Sex

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Blue Drew Barrymore Could’ve Sworn She Saw James Cameron On Schedule

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Student Who’s Been In 3 School Shootings Starting To Think This Might Be About Him

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Community Does Jack Shit To Make Christmas Better For Town’s Second-Poorest Family

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Trump Announces New ‘Dodger Dividend’ For Anyone Who Avoided Military Service

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Trump Assures Struggling Nation He Has Plenty Of Money

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