The Onion theonion.com

Thai Woman Found Alive In Coffin Moments Before Cremation

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Researchers Determine Moon Serves No Purpose But Alerting Raccoons It Safe To Come Out

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Cousins Form Pact To Get Laid By End Of Thanksgiving

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Sweet Potato Dish Stopped Being Healthy 5 Ingredients Ago

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Grandma Thankfully Dies Before Sister’s Girlfriend Arrives

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America Celebrates Thanksgiving

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White House Touts Affordability Of Hay-Based Thanksgiving Dishes

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Astronaut Hates Long Nightly Spacewalk To ISS Outhouse

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Medical Student Practices Fat Shaming On Cadaver

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ShamWow Guy Running For Congress

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Fraternity Under Investigation After Forcing Pledges To Volunteer At Soup Kitchen

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Study: Average 19th-Century American Spent 93% Of Time Waving At Trains, Boats

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MPA Rates ‘Zootopia 2’ PG-13 For Sexually Awakening Content

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Trump Claims Democrats’ Video To Military ‘Seditious Behavior, Punishable By Death’

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Vince Lombardi Trophy Clanking Around In Trunk Of Roger Goodell’s Car

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AI-Enabled Teddy Bear Pulled From Shelves For Giving Advice On BDSM, Where To Find Knives

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White House Reclassifies Nursing As Hobby

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Thanksgiving Travel By The Numbers

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RFK Jr. Denies Ever Laying Eggs In Olivia Nuzzi

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Man Who Thought Fleetwood Mac’s ‘The Chain’ Was Over In For Thrill Of His Fucking Life

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