The Long, Sad, And Totally Fucked-Up Tale Of Timmy The Whale’s Trip To Germany (opens in new tab)

When the dead body of Timmy the humpback whale beached itself last week off the shores of the Danish island of Anholt, it was only a matter of time before Timmy would risk of the fate that befalls many a beached whale: The residents of Anholt, per the BBC, have watched Timmy slowly balloon in…