Due to a Clerical Error, Your Commencement Speaker Is A.I. Pacino (opens in new tab)

Welcome… CUNY Hell’s Kitchen Class of 2026. Gooooo Twinks! Today… we CELEBRATE… Theculminationofyearsofhardwork. I want to thank Dean Meyer for her kind introduction. Dr. Meyer’s service to this institution is an inspiration. She has such a generous spirit, a wonderful brain— AND SHE’S GOTTA GREAT ASS. Hmm. My audience-response sensors are detecting elevated levels of discomfort, confusion, and anxiety. Recalibrating… Dialing back Heat Pacino, increasing Scarface. Re-initializing. Class of 20...