“The Deal with the Islamic Republic of Iran is now complete. Congratulations to all!” — . - - -Citizens of the United Federation of Planets, as Starfleet’s Commander in Chief, I am pleased to announce: The war against the Romulans that I launched recently was an overwhelming success. Now, to be fair, we did NOT topple the regime, we did NOT free the oppressed citizens of Romulus, and we did nothing to ensure Romulan leadership would stop developing tricobalt torpedoes. We did, however, reinst...

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