• 02 Nov, 2025 *

this is one of those posts that i’m writing cause i needa say something, and i don’t really know how.

i’ve been feeling... shitty, for a while. i feel pointless. nothing i do seems to have lasting effect. life goes in circles. and... it’s hard to feel like this isn’t some inherent problem in me.

it’s hard to feel like i have any value to people.

it’s a self-perpetuating cycle, of course. the more i feel shitty, the less i genuinely have to contribute, the less i do, the less i accomplish... and so, the more i feel shitty.

being aware of this is the first step to fixing it, as with basically any problem. but its not as simple as that either.

i’ve gotten to a place where i crave some sort of external validation to jumpstart the process of feeling good about myself again, but... when it comes along, i struggle to accept it.

i’m so used to this state of low self worth. when someone tries to place any value on me, i feel obliged to question it. surely they’ve made a mistake? wouldn’t they prefer something else?

why me? what could i possibly offer? please choose someone else.

i know this isn’t real; it’s not helpful or fun; and most of all it’s not fair on everyone around me. nobody should have to justify my own self worth to me, not least when they already are, and i just cant let myself accept it.

I want to, though. I want to be at peace with this. I want to enjoy things again.

i just worry about disappointing the people who have spent so much on convincing me i’m worth it.

I’ll keep looking. I hope I can be as patient with myself as everyone else is with me.

💚💜