Elaine from Indiana recently called into the Dave Ramsey Show to tell George Kamel and Jade Warshaw about a case of financial infidelity. Her husband was self-employed for a time and took out loans for his business to the tune of $14,000. The business failed, and he wasn’t able to discharge the debt in bankruptcy — a fact he didn’t tell his wife.

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When his creditors came to his new job to garnish his wages, he set up a separate bank account to hide his garnished pay checks. When she finally found out, a lot of other deceptions were revealed that made her question if their marriage could survive.

This kind of secrecy has a name: financial infidelity. Here’s what it looks like, the advice Ramsey’s team gave Elaine, and how couples can rebuild trust after experiencing it.

Elaine’s story is a textbook example of financial infidelity — when one partner hides money choices the other would not approve of. It might involve a secret credit card, an unspoken loan, or transferring money to a hidden account. The dollar amount isn’t always the most painful part; it’s the decision to conceal your financial life from someone who depends on you.

Financial infidelity is more common than many couples expect, and if unaddressed it has the capacity to become a big, marriage ending issue. What begins as a missed mention of a purchase can grow into patterns of silence that reshape a relationship.

The person who discovers the secret may replay old conversations in their head, wondering what was true and what was not, while the partner who hid the spending may become defensive, try to deflect or shut down communication entirely.

Hidden debts can grow out of control with compounding interest payments and fees that siphon cash from family goals, which only compounds the pain of partners who find themselves also liable for bad financial decisions.

The case is even more hurtful when common property — like a house or an automobile — is put at risk. Though the financially responsible partner may not suffer a hit to their credit score, the irresponsible partner will, which makes borrowing money for legitimate family projects prohibitively expensive.

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