Have you ever had that ?

So much going on in your life... Draining your energy, stressing you out. And all of a sudden your send to a psychiatrist because of the lies and deceit in your innercircle. this happened in the year 2012. Drug addicts going crazy around you trying to manipulate you and when you get angry, the police sees you as the dangerous one. Because of the lies of drug and alcohol using parents as neighbors. Because you know what they say : People with kids can never be addicts or have psychological issues. Or can they ?

And all of a sudden, you are labeled an autist with aggression, you get medicines that you do not need and that are very bad for your health, dumb you down and make you seem like you had a joint every night. Giving other people the idea that you always are under influence because you do not connect. Decreasing the chance of getting to meet a nice woman, because even in public or at places to go out, you are labeled.

And almost 7 year later, you find out that you finally get proof that you are not an autist at all. But more or less a mild ADD type person. A very organised person in normal life. Because being well organised and hygienic makes life easier.

And that you learn that when looking back, you had a major burn-out around 2006 - 2012. And that taking those medicines have prevented you from doing evening school after work to get more certificates and more diplomas. To be able to reach for better paying jobs. That is a lot of disgruntlement.

So all of a sudden since 2019. You decide that it has happened and you are going to move forward. You do not take medication. You start working out, live healthy. Leave people you have no connection with behind and who only call when they need you to solve technical issues without having to pay you money. You do not need them. And you know what happens. The gossips starts. The lies and deceit.

In the last 4 years with all the isolation measures from the government in the first 2,5 years : I lost my mother and i got no other relevant familie that is good for me. I acquired an auto-immune disease. Hearing problems, ears not doing weird stuff, but the nerves and the parts of the brain processing sound, this has happened since i contracted covid. Regular yearly inner ear infections since 2020, i never had ear infections before. I always had extremely good hearing, sniffing out phase differences in various frequency bands , was easy. Homing in on a particular sound in a crowd was always easy. I got another intervertebral disc hernia pushing against a nerve, while i already have damaged vertebra that inflame easily for 17 years, the reason why i cannot train as hard as i wanted to, even before i got sick around 2020 . I can use my legs but i am damaging the tissue when i kick or when i lift heavy. Which causes more inflammation. My health deteriorates and i find out i got long covid.

Lost my job in 2023 after fighting to get healthy since 2020. I have nothing to blame my employer for. No, not at all. I have more anger for the covid-isolation solutions from the government and the lack of support for the hospitals and the lack of support for the general practitioners who got overloaded with patients the last 4 years. Because the hospital people and the GP got so much in contact with people who contracted corona that certainly they acquired it at the time as well. And other through the air transmissable diseases as well. I am not proud of the Dutch government. Not at all, severly dissapointed i might say. These days, there is hardly any news about covid on the news while it is still a huge problem even with the vaccination solutions. Because the illnesses are not well defined. There is a lot of actual symptoms variation and prolonged symptoms variation between individual humans when it comes to covid.

New neighbors also with their problems and try to manipulate what of course does not work. Preventing chronically ill people from getting a good night sleep to heal from their additional sicknes is not social, dear neigbors. I get angry because they do not listen and the police and the housing corporation blames me. That is life.

All of a sudden, the nay-sayers about corona, label me as : You must be on drugs. Great is it not.

Short story : Not an autist. Not on medication. I am a fast learner. I got some health issues. But i live healthy generally speaking. A mild form of ADD. Still got Long covid. It is like a major burn-out with often head aches, neck cramps, spinal cramps, foggy, sometimes dead tired. Sometimes feeling okay again. Often not being able to sleep. Forgetting stuff i try to learn, forgetting faces, names. Having a wild gaze all of a sudden when i am getting tired but i push through. And so on... Still not happy living here. Being labeled as a criminal while i always have worked hard to earn an honest pay. It is like living in between vampires as a metaphore.

I hate having so low energy. I can push against with will-power, but it is hard to keep focus and concentration , suddenly being dead tired. Keep focus on what is important. And if i push against it, i get very easily aggrevated which is not me, i always try to keep calm and analyze the situation.