- 15 Oct, 2025 *
I wonder how people manage to do so many things. I’m working on my thesis, I’m behind schedule, but I also don’t have a huge time pressure. I still feel bad that It’s taking so much and that progress is slow. I feel I should be doing more and I feel bad that it feels hard to write sometimes.
A week ago, I got invited to participate in a podcast for university in Venezuela and we are recording next Monday. It’s an episode in honour of 40 years of Super Mario and we are discussing retro games and nostalgia.
It’s a 35 minute conversation. I can do this. I’ve done this.
Yet the knowledge that I have to do this has completely derailed my ability to work on the thesis. Retro games is not my specialization topic, but I have enough ideas to bring up and discuss. Yet…
- 15 Oct, 2025 *
I wonder how people manage to do so many things. I’m working on my thesis, I’m behind schedule, but I also don’t have a huge time pressure. I still feel bad that It’s taking so much and that progress is slow. I feel I should be doing more and I feel bad that it feels hard to write sometimes.
A week ago, I got invited to participate in a podcast for university in Venezuela and we are recording next Monday. It’s an episode in honour of 40 years of Super Mario and we are discussing retro games and nostalgia.
It’s a 35 minute conversation. I can do this. I’ve done this.
Yet the knowledge that I have to do this has completely derailed my ability to work on the thesis. Retro games is not my specialization topic, but I have enough ideas to bring up and discuss. Yet feeling like I have to perform leads me to want to research and prepare more. But no matter how many hours I prepare, that won’t stop me from feeling anxious about performing.
And this anxiety about not knowing how things are going to go just wreaks havoc on my ability to do anything else. Even if I manage to say “you’ve prepared enough, just let it go” I can’t go back to working on my thesis. Emotionally, I Just can’t.
Not to mention, I have been asked to send an abstract for a book chapter! Woohoo! That should make me happy. I’m just stressed trying to figure out how to frame things and whether my ideas will work well or fit. Just worrying that I won’t find a good enough idea to propose freaks me out.
I wish I was able to do more things. I wish I could just take things as they come. I wish I could put myself out there and care less. I see other people being able to juggle so many projects, commitments, opportunities.
For me it’s always a drowning wave. It’s not about time management. It’s emotional.
I worry about how I’m gonna make my life work. How can I make my life sustainable? It’s so hard for me to take on responsibility and believe that I can live up to it.
No matter how many times I’ve done this before, or that I know I’m good at it, every time new things come in it’s a violent current that I struggle to navigate. I wish I could just say yes to cool opportunities where others value want I have to contribute and want me along without it feeling so draining. I’d rather enjoy it instead and have a good time talking about things I find interesting and things I love.