• 29 Dec, 2025 *

currently on my study, my lamp is on, on my desk are coloring materials, a sketchbook i have open with tons of colorful doodles.

before this, i looked at my screen time and christ "72 hours a week" (10 hours a day)

it gave me such an eyesore. i thought

"that’s it. im throwing my phone away"

i’m not actually going to do it but it made me feel disgusted of myself.

to give you more context on the ‘i feel stupid’ part on the title: my brain feels like mush.

i don’t read anymore i don’t write on my journal anymore i don’t watch movies anymore i don’t write book reviews anymore i don’t write movie reviews anymore i don’t listen to music and explore different artists and genres anymore i don’t play the guitar anymore or learn a song to play in the guitar i don’t dance anymore i don’t eat properly anymore i don’t sleep right anymore i don’t sing anymore i don’t learn anymore i don’t move anymore i don’t have deep and stimulating conversations with others anymore

and it’s all because of my damn phone.

i wake up, say it’s 11am, i reach for my phone, open my usual social media apps, and when i get out of bed it’s 1pm. i haven’t eaten breakfast, i’m hungry, i’m thirsty, i haven’t stretched my body, i haven’t open the blinds and windows.

all that precious time i could’ve spent on taking care of myself, lost from scrolling.

not going to make this long but, i’m definitely going to leave doomscrolling in 2025 and not carry it with me in 2026.

i mean what i’m doing right now is a start, i’m making art and doodling. i hope to get back to my hobbies again and go out in nature because man, what the hell am i doing with my life.

i feel disgusting. i feel like a zombie. i feel non-human.