- 10 Nov, 2025 *
i’ve been obsessed the last week or two. I’d been going steady, hadn’t had a manic episode in a minute, or a big depressive episode in like 2 or 3 weeks. I was doing a little bit of coding, maybe a couple hours 5 days for 2 weeks in a row. This is unheard of for me in the last couple years, where my abilities have been ... so low.
Then last week, I started building a plugin manager for bearblog (among a couple other plugins) and it ended up being way more complex than I expected. Took me about 8 hours of development over 3 different days, 4 different sessions.
And then I’ve been blogging like crazy too. 23 posts since November 4th (this makes 24).
And this week it’s hitting me, that I’m caught up in the obsession. My desire to blog runs dry and yet I’…
- 10 Nov, 2025 *
i’ve been obsessed the last week or two. I’d been going steady, hadn’t had a manic episode in a minute, or a big depressive episode in like 2 or 3 weeks. I was doing a little bit of coding, maybe a couple hours 5 days for 2 weeks in a row. This is unheard of for me in the last couple years, where my abilities have been ... so low.
Then last week, I started building a plugin manager for bearblog (among a couple other plugins) and it ended up being way more complex than I expected. Took me about 8 hours of development over 3 different days, 4 different sessions.
And then I’ve been blogging like crazy too. 23 posts since November 4th (this makes 24).
And this week it’s hitting me, that I’m caught up in the obsession. My desire to blog runs dry and yet I’m still tweaking things on my blog, still putting up new posts, and refreshing to check for toasts (oh did you see my BEAUTIFUL NEW TOAST BEAR BUTTON!?).
This is common for me. The object of my obsession is usually programming, not blogging or writing. It’s been activism before (but I took a lot of space from that the last year or two). Sometimes it’s Trackmania mapping or another video game. I guess this time it has been blogging and some light coding plus I worked some on my pitch for Current Affairs.
It’s so powerful. The obsession. It makes other things uninteresting and boring. It “needs” to be fed even when my well has run dry. So I keep going going and burning out and melting my brain.
I’m doing better with it this time than I’m used to. I folded some laundry yesterday. I cooked today. I asked my bestie to play games instead of leaving my evening to be a fight with the obsession.
I hope I don’t burnout from it this time. If that happens, I’m down for 2 or 3 days and then I recover and I have another period of my “normal”, but I often can’t come close to the obsessions for a little bit after that. Which sucks, because I often love the things I get obsessed with.
This post is the obsession, though it’s hard to tell the difference between the desire to write and the obsessive need to. Maybe it’s a little bit of both.
I’m going to go watch TV now. Then I’ll read. Then I’ll bed.
I’m realizing I didn’t used to have these strong routines that I care about that actually pull me away from my obsessions. It’s good. It’s progress. Even this awareness is good, even if I’m falling for it while doing said awareness.
Love you bye have a great night.