The first recording today is a repeat of M.I. High – The Big Bling.

Media Centre Description: Children’s spy drama with high school kids Blane, Daisy and Rose. When the most famous diamonds in the world are stolen, the team investigate the captain of the England football team for crimes against bling.

Recorded from CBBC Channel on Friday 1st May 2009 07:58

BBC Genome: CBBC Channel Friday 1st May 2009 08:00

After this there’s Newsround, a trail for *Cartoonworks *and one for *Jacqueline Wilson Day. *Then the recording ends with the start of The Basic Brush Show.

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The next recording starts with the end of 4Music.

Then it’s Smallville: Superman the Early Years – Cure.

Chloe spots someone she recognises at the Talon – Sasha Woodford, who was a meteor freak who could control bees back in season one. She follows her outside, phoning Belle Reve to report that one of their patients has escaped. But Sasha hears her and tells her “You don’t understand. I don’t belong in Belle Reve. I’m not a meteor freak any more. I’ve been cured. A few weeks ago, I had an operation.” “Operation? Who was the doctor?” “Curtis Knox. He changed my life. My family told me about the terrible things I did in the past… but I’m different now.” “What do you mean “your family told you”?” “When they took away my powers, some of my memory went along with it. The last six years are blank. If I did anything to you or your friends, I’m really sorry.”

But when she goes to her car, she’s stopped by her doctor, Curtis Knox, who grabs her and drugs her and drags her away.

John Jones makes an appearance at the Kent house. He doesn’t trust Kara. “Your cousin’s arrival cannot be taken lightly, Kal-El.” “I went to see my father. He gave me the same warning. But I don’t get it, she’s my cousin. The only Kryptonian family I have besides a disembodied voice from the Arctic.” “And she could use your longing for family against you. She’s dangerous. Her father tried to assassinate Jor-El.” “They were brothers.” “Their hatred for one another was stronger than any familial bond. Does Kara have her crystal?” “Not any more. It was in her ship when it exploded, but now it’s missing. I’ve been trying to help her find it, but we’ve had no luck.” “If she gets to that crystal, everything you hold dear in this world could be lost. You must find the crystal before Kara. Trust is a luxury you cannot afford.”

Lex meets Dr Knox who, if you didn’t recognise him from his introduction (I didn’t) is played by Dean Cain. Yes, the bad Superman. And his first line here, after Lex apologises for keeping him waiting, is “Mussolini once killed a conductor for not keeping a train on schedule.” Did the writers know something about the future? Anyway, Lex is concerned that three of his former patients have gone missing.

“I have good news, my love. I found another piece of the puzzle.”

Then he start working on Sasha.

Chloe looks up Doctor Knox, and decides she’d like to be cured of her meteor infection.

Lana is sending instant messages to someone about money. This is the worst messenger UI I’ve ever seen. I mean, at this point in time there were loads of actual messenger apps, so why fake one with such awful UI?

Lex catches Dr Knox disposing of a body. Before Knox can attack him, he shoots him. But Knox gets up and starts pulling bullets from his chest. “I have been speared by Mayan warriors… ..survived Mongols’ arrows… and the cold steel of crusaders’ blades. What makes you think the sting of a nine millimetre could slow me down?” Although most of this scene is missing from the morning edit. Before he can kill Lex, Clark arrives and punches him into a transformer.

Jimmy had bought tickets to a concert for Chloe but she cancelled on him to see Dr Knox, so now Jimmy is having Chinese food with Kara while looking for clues in a video (possibly the one Lois shot when she was looking for Kara’s ship). Of course Chloe walks in on them and assumes that this is some kind of date. She drops the letter she was going to give Jimmy in the bin and walks away.

Clark asks Lex where Knox is working. Lex doesn’t know, but he’s been researching Knox after their encounter and have found pictures of him from throughout history including one where he’s sitting next to Adolf Hitler. Given Dean Cain’s current political profile, this is Mystic Meg levels of precognition here. Also, note more Sprint product placement. (I’m not imagining this, they have a credit at the end.)

Chloe is on the operating table, as he wants to harvest one of her organs for his wife, who he wants to make immortal. Is it my imagination or are they even making this predicament vaguely sexy? This programme definitely had a quota.

Clark arrives, there’s a bit of a fight (less of a fight with the cuts) until Knox smashes the machine keeping his wife alive/in a coma? and she dies.

Kara’s upset that Clark is still friends with John Jones. “He’s lying. Who are you gonna believe, Clark? Your family… ..or this Martian Manhunter? I guess this family reunion is over.” They she flies off.

Lana is setting up her new project, to help the meteor infected – plus also to spy on Lex.

It looks like Jimmy and Chloe are on a break, again. I really have no patience with these will they wont they relationships. It’s made worse by seeing the same thing happening in season 8.

Media Centre Description: Drama series following the teenage years of future Superman Clark Kent. Chloe takes an interest in an alleged cure for ‘meteor freaks’.

Recorded from E4 on Friday 1st May 2009 10:03

After this the recording ends with the start of One Tree Hill.

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The next recording is a repeat of The Simpsons – Bart of War.

Media Centre Description: After the police discover Bart and Milhouse ransacking Flanders’s collection of Beatles memorabilia, Marge decides to place her son in a supervised activity group, the Pre-Teen Braves.

Recorded from Channel 4 on Friday 1st May 2009 17:58

After this the recording ends with the start of Hollyoaks.

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The next recording is a repeat of Charlie and Lola – But I Am Completely Hearing and Also Listening.

Media Centre Description: Children’s animation. Join Lola and Charlie, a brother and sister, as they face challenges growing up. Lola thinks that she’s good at listening. However, her not listening leads to problems at home and at school. When Arnold Wolf invites everybody to his house for a Batcat party, Lola doesn’t listen to the instructions, and Charlie and Lola miss the party. Lola has to become a good listener.

Recorded from CBeebies on Friday 1st May 2009 18:38

BBC Genome: CBeebies Friday 1st May 2009 18:40

After this, the recording ends with Floella Benjamin reading The Tiger Who Came To Tea.

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The next recording is a repeat of Star Trek: The Next Generation – Cause and Effect.

Media Centre Description: Sci-fi adventures. When events on the Enterprise keep repeating themselves, the crew realise they are caught in a deadly time loop.

Recorded from Virgin1 on Friday 1st May 2009 19:58

After this the recording ends with the start of Star Trek: Enterprise.

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The next recording is the next episode of Reggie Perrin.

I confess I’m not getting on with this reboot. Reggie’s imaginings are getting more violent.

Geoffrey Whitehead plays Nicola’s father, obviously the same character as Geoffrey Palmer’s Jimmy from the original, judging by the dialogue.

Wendy Craig plays Reggie’s mother. She’s fine, but the show does insist on hurling a wrecking ball at her occasionally.

Reggie struggles with the new car park routing that everyone else has been praising.

Reggie actually kisses Jasmine rather than just imagines doing it. Her reaction is correct. “What are you doing?” “Oh, God, I’m sorry.” “Would you leave, please?”

Media Centre Description: With both Reggie’s mother and Nicola’s father interfering in his marriage, and his inability to get on with people at work, Reggie Perrin finds himself taking a step too far with Jasmine.

Recorded from BBC ONE on Friday 1st May 2009 21:30

BBC Genome: BBC ONE Friday 1st May 2009 21:30

After this there’s a trail for Inspector George Gently.

There’s also a trail for a new nature documentary, South Pacific.

Then the recording ends with the start of the Ten O’Clock News. Content Warning for child abuse.

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The next recording is an episode of Genius.

His guest, judging the inventions, is Stewart Lee.

One of the ideas is Virtual Reality for Chickens.

One idea from a man called Anton gets him particularly annoyed. The idea is “Dear Genius, for centuries, obesity was not a problem because we had to hunt and gather our food. Obviously, people are not going to want to go back to our hunter-gatherer past. So my genius idea is that all groceries should be delivered to our homes, but the delivery vans would not be allowed to stop. Instead, people would have to run alongside the van to retrieve their shopping.”

But Stewart immediately identifies the whiff of something. “I don’t like your idea, Anton. It smacks of the ideas of one Adolf Hitler. I don’t know if you’re familiar with his theories.” “I’d like to think I’d be a benign dictator if it’s any consolation.” “That’s all right, then, Anton. Well, Anton’s even the kind of name a fascist would have, isn’t it?” Then Dave makes Stewart test the theory by running on a treadmill.

The final idea is hooking up a keyboard to members of a choir using lights, so you can play a choir. Which they implement with an actual choir.

Media Centre Description: Comedy series where Dave Gorman and a celebrity guest hunt for true genius amongst the nation’s ideas to change the world and make it a bit more fun. Dave’s special guest is the comedian and writer Stewart Lee.

Recorded from BBC TWO on Friday 1st May 2009 22:00

BBC Genome: BBC TWO Friday 1st May 2009 22:00

After this there’s an iPlayer promo and a trail for Ashes to Ashes.

There’s also a trail for The Incredible Human Journey.

Then the recording ends with the start of Newsnight.

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The final recording today is a film, Dark Water. I haven’t watched this before, and I’ll be honest – this is one of the most stressful things I’ve watched in a long time.

Jennifer Connolly plays Dahlia, mother to a young girl, and currently going through a divorce. You can tell she’s unhappy because she’s looking out of a window that’s being rained on.

Dougray Scott plays her ex-husband Kyle. He’s a bit of a shit.

Ariel Gade plays her daughter Cecilia.

They have to find a new apartment to live in. John C. Reilly plays the landlord or letting agent or whoever he is. He’s definitely a proponent of the hard sell.

Pete Postelthwaite plays the building’s handyman, Mr Veeck (pronounces Veck). I can’t work out if the film wants him to appear creepy and menacing, or helpful and sympathetic, and with Postlethwaite it could be any of the above.

The real villain of the film is the building itself, and the constant rain. And the ever growing damp patch on the bedroom ceiling. Honestly, misbehaving plumbing is more terrifying than any supernatural creatures.

It tells you something about how dark this film is that the most sympathetic character is Tim Roth’s lawyer, Jeff. Although he seems to be living out of his car, he writes notes while taking a phone call, all while driving, and seems to be lying about having a family, he nevertheless works positively on Dahlia’s behalf.

I won’t talk about the way the film ends, but it’s not a spoiler to say that the climax involves a fuck of a lot of water.

Media Centre Description: Psychological horror. A mother and her young daughter, who are trying to start a new life for themselves, move in to a spooky, dilapidated apartment. When a mysterious damp patch on the ceiling grows and her daughter starts talking of an imaginary friend, she begins to wonder whether supernatural forces are at work. Remake of a 2002 Japanese film of the same name.

Recorded from BBC ONE on Friday 1st May 2009 23:40

BBC Genome: BBC ONE Friday 1st May 2009 23:40

After this, there’s a trail for *Ashes to Ashes *and the recording ends with the start of Weatherview.

Here’s the Smallville ad breaks.

Here’s the Simpsons ad breaks.

Here’s the Star Trek ad breaks.

Adverts:

• trail: Dirty Sexy Money

• Barclays

• First Personal Injury

• Ghosts of Girlfriends Past in cinemas

• Lurpak

• Australia on DVD

• Johnson’s Baby Oil

• Dave Pearce Trance Anthems 2009

• Currys

• Barclays

• trail: The Inbetweeners

• Imodium Instants

• Warner Bros DVDs

• Listerine

• Morrisons – Nick Hancock

• DVLA Personalised Registrations

• Colgate Total

• Andrex

• Angels & Demons in cinemas

• Pizza Hut

• Gillette Series

• Mikado

• Dance Nation

• Ginster’s

• Argos

• Special K

• Weightwatchers

• Game On Bingo

• Nivea for Men

• Co-op

• trail: E4 Thursdays are Funny-est

• Ambre Solaire Rapido Kids

• Comet

• Vodafone

• Glade Sense & Spray

• XBox 360

• Vodafone

• Coraline in cinemas

• trail: Desperate Housewives

• Halifax

• Argos

• Frizz Ease

• Volvic

• Samsung Tocco Ultra

• PC World

• Homebase

• trail: T4

• trail: Star Trek: Captain’s Log Weekend

• Halifax

• Vanish Oxi Action Intelligence

• Colgate Total

• Night at the Museum 2 in cinemas

• Shredded Wheat – Ian Botham

• Flymo

• Magnet

• Somerfield

• Miracle-Gro Moisture Control Compost

• Go Daddy

• More Than

• trail: The Unit

• Sainsbury’s

• 118 247

• Magners

• Red Sky

• Shredded Wheat – Ian Botham

• Vanish Oxi Action Intelligence

• DFS

• Homebase

• Evergreen Complete

• trail: Danny Dyer’s Deadliest Men

• trail: Trawlers, Rigs & Rescue: North Sea

• Somerfield

• Turtle Wax Ice

• Magners

• Shredded Wheat – Ian Botham

• thetrainline.com

• Miracle-Gro Moisture Control Compost

• Wickes

• Mazuma Mobile

• Homebase

• trail: The Unit

• trail: Star Trek: Captain’s Log Weekend

• Miracle-Gro Moisture Control Compost

• Shredded Wheat – Ian Botham

• President Emmental

• Dyson Ball

• trail: CSI: Miami