Reviews of New Food: Little Caesars’ Crazy Puffs

As we all know, the worst part about eating pizza is how the cheese gets stuck to the insides of your pockets. I can’t tell you how many good pairs of slacks I’ve ruined just because I love pizza and I lead an on-the-go lifestyle.

Like most people, I eat pizza every single day. I’m way too busy to sit down and eat it as a m…

Like most people, I eat pizza every single day. I’m way too busy to sit down and eat it as a meal, so into my pockets it goes, even if that means my car keys are always covered in tomato sauce, my wallet is filled with pepperoni, and my iPhone’s charging port is clogged with soggy chunks of mozzarella.

But what can I do? Not put hot slices of pizza into my pockets? Just hold it in my hands? I’m a busy guy. How am I supposed to complete all of my daily errands if I have to hold hot slices of pizza all day long?

So when Little Caesars announced that they’d finally discovered a solution for a nation of pockets soiled by gloopy chunks of melted cheese, I was ecstatic. With Crazy Puffs, the latest addition to Little Caesars’ menu, which they describe as “pocket-sized pieces of pizza bliss,” they have finally created a pizza option for people like me who love pizza but are just too busy for monotasks like sitting down to eat a meal over a plate.

Pocket-sized, you say? I’ll be the judge of that. I nuked a few slices of pizza, stuffed them into my pockets, and drove to my closest Little Caesars franchise as fast as I could.

Crazy Puffs come in three different flavors: cheese, pepperoni, and you guessed it, cheesesteak. Imagine a handheld pie about the size of a hockey puck, filled to the brim with cheese and tomato sauce, all neatly housed within a flaky, golden-brown crust. It’s drizzled with a buttery garlic flavor and dusted with a secret blend of Italian herbs and spices. I wouldn’t deign to know the secret in the seasoning blend, but if I had to guess, it’s probably ambrosia, the sweet nectar of the gods.

Biting into one of these guys is like sinking your teeth into a giant pizza-flavored Gusher, the cheesy center bursting through the crust like hot magma exploding from the earth’s core. I was so excited to dig in that I scalded the roof of my mouth. But hey, it’s better than the second-degree burns I’ve been suffering on my thighs.

All three flavors pair wonderfully with Little Caesars Crazy Sauce. By the way, here’s a tip for all my busy bees out there: dump the sauce directly into your pocket before shoving in the Crazy Puffs. That way, you don’t have to waste valuable time dipping bite after bite—after a few minutes bathing in your pockets, the entire surface area of the Crazy Puff will be pre-sauced for your enjoyment. It’s just $3.99 for a four-pack, and if you pack carefully, all four should fit snugly in your pockets.

It’s no exaggeration to say that Crazy Puffs have radically changed my life for the better. Let me paint you a picture of my day pre–Crazy Puffs:

I wake up. I’m ravenous. I go to the fridge. I talk to myself as I poke around, saying things like, “What do we got here… what do we got here… ooh, pizza from last night. Yum.” Sure, I could eat the leftover pizza cold. But I’ve got to get to work. I don’t have time to fold up a few slices of cold pizza and stuff them into my pockets. So I toss them into the microwave. It’s easier to fold them when they’re hot. Once the cheese is bubbling and splattering the inside of the microwave like an active volcano, I yank the slices out as quickly as I can, fold them into a thick rhomboid shape, and then stuff them into my pockets. They burn me like crazy, but now my pizza is in my pockets, and that’s the important thing here.

In retrospect, I can’t believe how much time I wasted folding pizza slices to fit in my pockets. But thanks to Little Caesars, I don’t have to. The Crazy Puffs fit in my pockets with zero fold.

Little Caesars describes their Crazy Puffs as “bite-sized pockets of pizza perfection.” If you ask me, they’re completely underselling it. I know what you’re thinking: Food that’s meant to be transportable in an average pocket? That doesn’t sound crazy. In fact, it makes a lot of sense. I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s a total misnomer. Crazy Puffs? More like Very Sane & Reasonable Puffs!

Now, if someone could just come up with some kind of pocket-sized rotisserie chicken, I could stop ruining my backpack.