DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend and I were watching a popular TV series together. The show is based on high schoolers who struggle with substance use disorder, mental health, anger management, sexual exploitation and more.
We both were making comments regarding our shock throughout the episodes, but at some point, my friend looked over to me and said he feels sorry for my future children.
I was wounded. That is such a strong statement.
I tried to unpack with him what he had said, but I didn’t get far. He shared that he thought my expectations were too aggressive and that no kid will be able to thrive around me.
I think of parenting as a balance between structure and vulnerability, and I’ve always hoped I will be an honest and understanding mom. Neither of us has children, by the w…
DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend and I were watching a popular TV series together. The show is based on high schoolers who struggle with substance use disorder, mental health, anger management, sexual exploitation and more.
We both were making comments regarding our shock throughout the episodes, but at some point, my friend looked over to me and said he feels sorry for my future children.
I was wounded. That is such a strong statement.
I tried to unpack with him what he had said, but I didn’t get far. He shared that he thought my expectations were too aggressive and that no kid will be able to thrive around me.
I think of parenting as a balance between structure and vulnerability, and I’ve always hoped I will be an honest and understanding mom. Neither of us has children, by the way.
I want my friend to know his harsh critiques impacted me and that he should be more mindful with his opinions in the future. Is it even worth revisiting this conversation?
— Bad Mom
DEAR BAD MOM: It could be worth it to continue the conversation with your friend, though not as an indictment of what he said to you. That will only create defensiveness with no meaningful resolution.
Tell him instead that you can’t stop thinking about what he said to you, and you want to understand why he feels that you will not be a good mom. Admit that you have thought about his comments since he made them, and you want to understand his thinking.
If he will share, listen carefully to see if there’s any value to what he says.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been struggling with the dating scene in my city.
It’s been nearly two years since I’ve even attempted a date, flirted casually, swiped through an app or responded to a DM. It is so difficult to find anyone who wants to connect on a deeper level. Social media and online dating have made distance more acceptable and quality time less desirable.
I would like to try dating again, but after being celibate and intentionally single for the past few years, I’ve become a cynic. My guard is up, and I am not as vulnerable or romantic as I once was. I think my lackluster experiences in the past have caused my heart to harden.
I want to approach the dating scene with a more positive outlook, but it feels daunting. Do you have any advice for people like me who are not fans of online dating?
— Get Back Out There
DEAR GET BACK OUT THERE: Don’t give up on romance yet. Go out the old-fashioned way: take classes, go to the museum, visit cafes and bars in your area and talk to people. Keep your eyes open but go slowly.
If you meet someone potentially interesting, talk to them but keep your expectations low. Get to know people before considering investing your heart in them. Be OK with lighthearted engagements.
Allow yourself to notice if anyone interesting comes along without feeling desperate along the way. (Yes, I know, easier said than done.)
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.