When we see others performing at a high level, it’s easy to think that they’re endlessly motivated, that success somehow comes effortlessly to them, or that they never struggle. But what we don’t often see are the intentional practices behind the scenes. What looks effortless on the outside is often a result of daily habits, small decisions, and inner work that makes their consistency possible.
High performance isn’t just about big wins or extraordinary moments; it’s also shaped by the everyday, ordinary moments and choices we make, even when no one is watching. This is the real work: showing up with intention and clarity, building discipline for when motivation fades, and designing the futu…
When we see others performing at a high level, it’s easy to think that they’re endlessly motivated, that success somehow comes effortlessly to them, or that they never struggle. But what we don’t often see are the intentional practices behind the scenes. What looks effortless on the outside is often a result of daily habits, small decisions, and inner work that makes their consistency possible.
High performance isn’t just about big wins or extraordinary moments; it’s also shaped by the everyday, ordinary moments and choices we make, even when no one is watching. This is the real work: showing up with intention and clarity, building discipline for when motivation fades, and designing the future we want through the decisions we make each day.
If we want to perform well, lead effectively, and stay grounded, we can begin with how we notice and navigate our emotions.
Emotional Awareness
Many of us move through our days on autopilot, rarely slowing down long enough to truly be present with what we’re feeling. And when we do pause, we may be met with a wave of emotions that feel uncomfortable or inconvenient, so we keep busy instead. Yet, ignoring emotions doesn’t make them disappear. The more we try to ignore them, the louder they become. When we don’t take time to acknowledge the irritation we feel after a tough conversation, the anxiety before a big presentation, or the disappointment when things don’t go according to plan, they often follow us into the next meeting, the next interaction, or the rest of our day.
To be able to work with our emotions, we need to be present with what we feel, allow our emotions to exist without judgment, and get curious about what they might be trying to tell us. We can’t always control which emotions show up for us, just as we can’t control every thought, but we can control how we respond.
This strategy can help guide that process:
- See it: Notice what you are feeling.
- **Name it: **Name the feeling as specifically as possible.
- Place it: Where is the feeling likely coming from?
- **Action it: **What am I going to do with it?
Here’s how this might look in practice:
- See it: I notice some tension in my body after that conversation.
- Name it: I’m feeling frustrated.
- Place it: This is coming from something that was said during the meeting.
- Action it: I’ll take a minute to reset by stepping away from my computer, taking a few slow breaths, and rolling my shoulders back a few times so I can bring calm and clarity into this next meeting.
Through identification and compassion, we learn how to use our emotions as information, not as directives that have complete power over us. We allow ourselves to respond rather than react. This can support our sense of well-being and how we show up for our relationships and our work.
The same self-awareness that helps to steady us internally also cultivates the clarity needed for consistent, value-aligned action.
Consistency Is Key
Performance coach and author of Raise Your Game, Alan Stein Jr., says, “Discipline is making a choice in the moment that most aligns with the person you’re trying to become or most aligns with the goal that you’re trying to achieve” (Resiliency Redefined, 2025).
The reality is that willpower and motivation are fickle friends. We can’t always count on them. It’s discipline that gets us where we want to go.
Discipline is like a muscle we can strengthen through consistent practice, whether it’s starting the workout, skipping the doomscroll, or preparing healthy meals ahead of time. It often involves prioritizing long-term goals over the short-term and connecting your actions today with your goals for tomorrow, one year, or even 50 years from now.
Building structure and systems, having an accountability partner, breaking tasks into small, manageable steps, and celebrating wins are some ways to keep moving in the direction of your goals, even when you don’t feel like it. In a previous post, “How to Be Accountable to Yourself and Why It Matters,” I share more strategies for fostering self-accountability.
As retired U.S. Navy SEAL officer, author, and leadership instructor Jocko Willink says, “Discipline equals freedom.” When you practice discipline, you support yourself in the present and create the conditions for the future you desire.
Rituals of Progress and Self-Reflection
Finding fulfillment and growth doesn’t mean we’ll always get things right. We may be far from where we want to be and still be moving in the right direction. What matters is that we’re living in alignment with what matters most and growing with intention.
In a recent conversation with Alan Stein Jr., he shared a reflection practice he uses each night:
“You just traded 24 hours of your life for the progress that you made today. Are you happy with that trade?” (Resiliency Redefined, 2025).
Our time is our most valuable resource, and this question can help us think about whether we are using our time meaningfully, productively, or in alignment with our values.
It also reminded me of a reflection that my dear friend (and brilliant singer-songwriter) Peter Katz practices. He asks himself:
“Have I tried my best, and have I helped others to do their best?”
No matter what went wrong or didn’t unfold the way he wished it would, he can still hold that sense of compassion for himself because he knows he’s tried his best and done what he could to help others do their best.
I invite you to pause and reflect:
- Are your actions aligned with the person you want to be? Are they taking you in the direction you want to go?
- Who do you want to be next year, in five years, or even in 50?
- How might today’s choices get you there?
Be kind as you reflect and give yourself permission to be a work in progress. Measure yourself against your own growth, not others.
Final Thoughts
As I often say, it’s what we do in the ordinary that sets us up to do the extraordinary when called upon. There’s a lot of inner work behind high performance. When we bring discipline to our actions, compassion to our emotions, and intention to our days, we become the kind of person we want to be and build the future we desire.