Key points
- Humility means seeing yourself accurately: not too high, not too low.
- Wins and failures are just data points, not your full story.
- Embracing a “just right view of the self“ builds steady, reality-based confidence.
The Stoic philosopher Epictetus warned, “If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, ‘He does not know my other faults, else he would not have mentioned only these.’”
The wisdom here isn’t about self-deprecation, but rather embracing what Davis et al. (2011) refer to as the “just right view of the self.” When we clearly understand both our str…
Key points
- Humility means seeing yourself accurately: not too high, not too low.
- Wins and failures are just data points, not your full story.
- Embracing a “just right view of the self“ builds steady, reality-based confidence.
The Stoic philosopher Epictetus warned, “If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make excuses about what is said of you but answer, ‘He does not know my other faults, else he would not have mentioned only these.’”
The wisdom here isn’t about self-deprecation, but rather embracing what Davis et al. (2011) refer to as the “just right view of the self.” When we clearly understand both our strengths and weaknesses, we gain a better understanding of the value we bring to our environment as well as where we need additional support. In theory, when we recognize this, neither flattery nor insult should have the power to distort our self-worth. Yet, many of us ride the roller coaster of praise and accomplishment, and criticism and failure, with great distress.
Psychological research on humility supports the wisdom of Epictetus. Humility is not thinking less of oneself but thinking of oneself *accurately, *acknowledging strengths and limitations without exaggeration (Davis et al., 2011; Tangney, 2011). Humble individuals exhibit a stable self-concept that resists the emotional highs of praise and the lows of criticism. Their self-esteem is secure because it is grounded in reality rather than the perceptions of others.
**Try this humble habit: **
It’s ironic that we often believe both our own hype and our haters, but a more humble habit is to temper both extremes by embracing the “just right” view of the self.
When someone praises you or when you achieve something great, remind yourself, “There may be truth here, but it’s one data point, and it doesn’t reflect everything about me.”
When someone criticizes you or you fail at something, remind yourself, “There may be truth here, but it’s one data point, and it doesn’t reflect everything about me.”
Viewing ourselves more clearly frees us from the ups and downs of conceit and shame, and plants our feet on more solid, humble ground.
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