okay so. obviously i know im just gonna sound like a kid whining because its school and not a job and im 15. however i still hate school so much :< im actually excited to get a job because ill actually be done with things after. but school is literally taking over my entire life and i feel like im left as a shell of a human because im studying 24/7 just to keep up with my classes. i miss cooking baking knitting crocheting learning spanish playing guitar and i want to pull my hair out because i cant do ANY of those things anymore, because im actually wasting time at school, and i say wasting time because we literally do waste so much time. we waste time at the beginning of many of my classes and dont get ready, we waste time near the end bcs we're do...
okay so. obviously i know im just gonna sound like a kid whining because its school and not a job and im 15. however i still hate school so much :< im actually excited to get a job because ill actually be done with things after. but school is literally taking over my entire life and i feel like im left as a shell of a human because im studying 24/7 just to keep up with my classes. i miss cooking baking knitting crocheting learning spanish playing guitar and i want to pull my hair out because i cant do ANY of those things anymore, because im actually wasting time at school, and i say wasting time because we literally do waste so much time. we waste time at the beginning of many of my classes and dont get ready, we waste time near the end bcs we're done, and everything adds up. even if we wasted 5 minutes per period, it adds up to 45 minutes and i could've been doing one of my hobbies in that time >:I. and theres SO MUCH to do after.
and thats the time spent *literally* wasting time. however, more time is wasted when im being taught things too fast/cant focus/zoning out, which happens in my classes that arent too easy, because im learning the same amount as if i never even went to that class (nothing). also for some subjects like algebra ii and physics, we literally learn one simple thing per day, and i feel like i could learn 2 lessons in the same time we do for 1 (which is literally true for physics because i self studied it in the summer. since it was easy i stopped since i didnt think there was a need, but we already caught up to my self studying, and i still think the pacing is too slow). i also just hate english and history, i like reading and learning history, but i dont like writing about it, and the observations im supposed to make in english are literally just stating the obvious. but me not liking humanities isnt that much of a problem and its true that writing about history makes it stick. i just hate school cuz of everything else i mentioned.
also personally, i keep disassociating and losing focus in my classes, in history it's because they're going too fast, but i also do frequently in other classes because i have bad social anxiety and i hate being in a room with lots of people. it makes me very very sad and overwhelmed after. my dream is doing online school and then i can knit while watching videos on everything lol , but going to a chinese learning school on the weekends or smth just so i can still get outside. but my parents would never ever let me in a million years