This weekend, I turned my home into a test lab for Google’s new Gemini for Home AI and subjected my family to 72 hours of surveillance as it watched, interpreted, and narrated our every move. My purpose? To find out if an AI that sees everything is actually helpful or just plain creepy.

“R unpacking items from a box,” read one notification from the Nest camera on a shelf in the kitchen. “Jenni cuts a pie / B walks into the kitchen, washes dishes in the sink / Jenni gets a drink from the refrigerator,” it continued. Sometimes, the alerts sounded like the start of a joke, “A dog, a person, and two cats walk into the room / Two chickens walk across the patio.”

But these weren’t jokes…

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