Kintsugi 金継ぎ is known as the Japanese art of putting broken things back together, like broken pottery, using materials mixed with powdered gold and other elements. Instead of hiding damage, this technique celebrates the restoration of an object once viewed as broken, flawed, or imperfect.
This same process can be seen as a metaphor for addiction recovery. Even for people with addiction who willingly choose recovery, there’s an element of being remade that can’t be ignored. Addicts often go through a period of denial. That denial can be short or can last years, decades, and for some, a lifetime. Addicts who…
Kintsugi 金継ぎ is known as the Japanese art of putting broken things back together, like broken pottery, using materials mixed with powdered gold and other elements. Instead of hiding damage, this technique celebrates the restoration of an object once viewed as broken, flawed, or imperfect.
This same process can be seen as a metaphor for addiction recovery. Even for people with addiction who willingly choose recovery, there’s an element of being remade that can’t be ignored. Addicts often go through a period of denial. That denial can be short or can last years, decades, and for some, a lifetime. Addicts who are in true recovery, though, go through the challenging period of breaking through their own denial and finally acknowledging their addiction.
Once this happens, they may feel extreme shame, disappointment, and self-contempt for their addictive nature. But healthy healing is learning to move beyond shame and see that one is not “broken” and “defective.” They can find that their beauty now lies in their gift of recovery, which they can now pass on to others. The gift a recovering addict can give to another is one of compassion, identification, and steadfast love. If anything, their ability to understand and empathize is one that was born out of their own scars of addiction. Without the addiction, they may not have the desire or commitment to join in the journey of others in recovery.
Kintsugi pottery was developed in the 15th century and has become globally more popular in recent years. The labor-intensive process is now making Kintsugi pottery more expensive than the original, unbroken piece, as it transforms common items into unique, high-end art pieces.
As a therapist specializing in addiction, I see these changes happening in my own clients. They may feel defeated and demoralized by their behaviors, as most have inflicted significant relational, financial, and emotional consequences on themselves and their loved ones.
The therapeutic repair, like the gold used in Kintsugi pottery, is helping clients see the proverbial gold in their own story of recovery and redemption. I help reframe words like “broken” and “defected,” which are very shame-based and global to a person’s character, to words and phrases that can describe the positive intentions or protective means behind their addiction. For example, “It makes sense, you used addictive substances or behaviors as a means to cope…” or “This substance/behavior was a learned survival mechanism to protect you…” At no point do I join in the client’s initial shame and add more to the mix.
Some therapists who aren’t trained in curiously, will immediately act as an echo chamber to the client’s own critical self, which only feeds an endless feedback loop of negativity, shame, and relapse. Therapists may unwittingly say things that, however well-intentioned, make things worse, such as, “You need to stop doing this, can’t you see how much this is hurting your partner?!” “Don’t you care about your family?!” or demand instant recovery, “When will you stop using?!”
Real healing comes when at least the therapist and the client can take a posture of curiosity and no judgmentalism. While we can point out the negative consequences of an addict’s actions, we can’t use that as motivation. Instead, it’s better to help clients see how the addiction developed from a position of positive intent. “Let’s see what the benefits were when it first started.” “How does using today help regulate the system?” Validation may sound like a paradox, but the addiction part needs to be honored for its long-standing desire to help. If it only hears criticism and shame, the addictive part can quiet down and go into hiding, but it is likely to re-emerge with even more ferocity since it hasn’t been acknowledged as a part that was trying its best to bring about a positive result, even if the reality was one of negative consequences. Healing doesn’t come from yelling, shaming, or condemning. It comes through patience, presence, and repair.
Similar to Kintsugi, it does not try to rush the repair, as the gold is applied slowly and with care. In the same way, addicts must trust the process and recognize there’s a reason for each season. Most importantly, recovery is not about erasing the past and “moving on”. It’s about learning to hold one’s cracks with compassion and allowing something stronger to form there. Addicts in recovery are not returning to who they once were—they are being renewed, they are being remade. Places that once caused the most shame now tell a story of healing. The story that was once full of shame can be redefined and reused as a beacon of hope for others.