In 2024, on my way to Iowa to lead training sessions on gratitude, I nearly derailed my own lesson before even boarding the plane.

At Indianapolis International Airport, while waiting in the secure (airside) area, I absentmindedly walked toward the exit that led back to the public (landside) section. I caught my mistake before reaching the exit, turned to head back—and that’s when an airport security officer stopped me.

She insisted that once I’d approached the exit, I could not re-enter without going through security again. The thought of taking off my shoes, removing things from my pockets, and waiting in line filled me with frustration. Irritation sharpened my voice as I snapped, “There’s no way I’m leaving!”

She calmly explained the rules again. I argued I hadn’t actually left—just walked in the wrong direction. She offered to check with her supervisor but returned with the same answer: I would have to exit and be re-screened. When I refused, she warned that I could either leave voluntarily or involuntarily.

That phrase jolted me back to reality. I imagined the next day’s headline in my local newspaper: Indiana University Gratitude Researcher Arrested for Causing a Scene at Indy Airport. I finally backed down and left, fuming. Stupid airport rules!

Hours later, while replaying the incident, a detail surfaced that shifted my perspective: The officer hadn’t just enforced policy; she had tried to help me. She didn’t have to call her supervisor on my behalf, but she did. That gesture of goodwill reframed the whole experience. My mood shifted from anger to gratitude.

It struck me how much power lies in the perspective we choose: zooming in on frustration or noticing others’ goodwill.

Goodwillism: Seeing the Best in Others

This leads us to a foundational principle for living a grateful life: goodwillism.

Yes, it’s a made-up word. But I couldn’t find another that captured this idea, so I created one.

Goodwillism is the habit of noticing the best in others by adopting a generous interpretation of their motives. It has two sides: cultivating goodwill in how we think about others, and assuming that others, more often than not, act with goodwill toward us.

Goodwillism matters in every kind of situation:

• Positive: Goodwillistic people savor and remember others’ good deeds. They’re the friends who light up when telling you how kind a colleague was.
• Ambiguous: When motives aren’t clear, they assume the best. “Did this person help me out of kindness or with a hidden agenda?” Goodwillism leans toward the former. This makes it easier to practice the principle of nourishing reliance—not just accepting our dependence on others but delighting in it.
• Negative: When someone behaves badly, goodwillistic people are more likely to assume this person has had a rough day rather than a flawed character.

How Goodwillism Changes Us

Goodwillism doesn’t mean ignoring reality. It doesn’t deny that bad actors exist or that cynicism can be wise in some situations—for example, ignoring that text message asking you to “Click here to pay unpaid tolls." But in most daily interactions, starting with a generous assumption transforms how we feel and how we relate to others.

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Practiced regularly, goodwillism makes gratitude easier, deepens happiness, and encourages kindness to others that often comes back to us. It also makes us people whom others want to hang out with.

By contrast, constant cynicism poisons gratitude. If we always question motives, even genuine kindness feels suspect. Not surprisingly, research shows that people who are more cynical tend to feel less grateful.

How to Practice Goodwillism

Here are four ways to put goodwillism into action:

1. Reconsider people’s motives. We can’t always see why people act, but a charitable interpretation of others’ motives can transform resentment into gratitude. My mood shifted at the airport when I realized the officer had been trying to help.
2. **Beware the fundamental attribution error. This is **the tendency to overemphasize people’s personality or character traits and downplay situational influences when explaining people’s behaviors. Considering the situational context helps us avoid this error. If someone cuts you off in traffic, maybe they’re reckless—or maybe they’re rushing to an emergency. You’ll never know, but giving others the benefit of the doubt spares you needless anger.
3. Surround yourself with goodwillistic people. Notice who in your life exudes cynicism and who embodies generosity. Spend more time with the latter—you’ll learn from them, and they’re simply more enjoyable to be around.
4. Spread positive gossip. We often assume that thinking shapes talking: I think, therefore I speak. But the reverse is also true: I speak, therefore I think. What we talk about shapes how we think, strengthens our convictions, and influences how we see the world. If you want to see people in a more generous light, brag **about other people’s goodness—behind their backs. Rave about their kindness. Highlight their strengths.

Gratitude Essential Reads

*This post is the last in a mini-series on seven principles for living gratefully. Read more about the other six principles: the principles of (a) gifts, (b) abundance, (c) precarious goodness, (d) prioritizing goodness, (e) promoting goodness, and (f) nourishing reliance. An earlier version of this post appears in my Substack newsletter on the science and practice of gratitude. *

References

Solom, R., Watkins, P. C., McCurrach, D., & Scheibe, D. (2016). Thieves of thankfulness: Traits that inhibit gratitude. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 12(2), 120-129. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2016.1163408