A shipwreck will test your commitment and vows Lake Tahoe, California/Nevada, United States I got married on my lunch hour. Wearing an ivory suit that morning to a court appearance in Brooklyn, I knew it would have to do for getting married later. My spouse asked a fellow resident to cover him at St. Vincent’s hospital in New York City so he could go to city hall in downtown Manhattan to get married. I had no money for a wedding. After mortgaging myself significantly for my education, throwing an elaborate party was not at the forefront of my mind. We both went back to work after the short ceremony and the few photographs my father took of us standing on a raised manhole cover to allow for a view of the Brooklyn Bridge. From the start, work played a significant role in my marriage. A Marriage At Sea by Sophie Elmhirst Elmhirst explores love and marriage through the true story of an English couple that decided to leave conventional English life behind in the early 1970s and sail to New Zealand. During their journey, a whale attempting to breach the ocean waters collides with their sailboat, puncturing a hole in the boat, resulting in it sinking shortly after while they watched from their life raft in disbelief. They spend a few days shy of four months in a life raft on the Pacific approximately 300 miles off the Galápagos Islands. If you want to know if your love will survive the test of time the answer is not found in the party you throw at the beginning. It is found in the hardships you either endure and survive—or not. Growing up sailing, I learned about hierarchy. My dad was the captain. He didn’t have a son only a daughter, so I had to do, as some sort of a deck hand, certainly not a chief mate. Maurice Bailey was the captain. His wife Maralyn had set responsibilities. Her tasks largely focused on the food onboard their 31-foot sailboat. However, when the boat sinks it is Maralyn’s leadership not Maurice’s that saves them. This is because of Maralyn’s fortitude or strength of mind or will to survive born of an unwavering positive disposition about the end result. Whereas Maurice can’t help but believe they are doomed. Elmhirst defines Maralyn through her journals. Maralyn makes note at sea, All marriages have their repeated conversations. They had this one for four months: his despair, her resolution. As she described the pep talks she gave him, the plans for the new boat, and the dinner parties they’d have on board, she came to a stark conclusion: ‘I discover that men may be physically the stronger of the sexes but mentally women are tops.’ As a globetrotter and person that spent a considerable amount of time on a sailboat growing up, exploring, traveling, living in different places, and experiencing different cultures and lifestyles is something always at the forefront of my mind. And something I mostly do now by reading. I completely identified with this idea expressed, It is an irresistible thought, that we might be someone different somewhere else. What makes this book almost impossible to put down is wanting to learn exactly how the couple ultimately survives their shipwreck, copes together and live on after the experience. Ironically, while illustrating the survival process, readers learn about love. Readers learn about the love shared between the couple, the support between them and how they each depend upon each other to strengthen them. Often we hear the phrase co-dependent in the context of a woman depending upon a man for survival but Elmhirst turns this outlook on co-dependency completely around to the immediately unseen. We learn how Maurice the captain needs Maralyn from the beginning even before their boat sinks. Maurice has the type of abrasive personality at times that doesn’t always make him at ease with people requiring a temperance which is Maralyn. I too know this role. Elmhirst illustrates how marriage, shipwreck, or the storms that life throws at us will test and determine whether our relationships and marriages will survive. She states, Somewhere, deep within, unspoken we must know, we do know, that we’ll all have our time adrift. For what else is a marriage, really, if not being stuck on a small raft with someone and trying to survive? Readers later learn, Maurice, to my astonishment, admits his faults and credits Maralyn in the distinct instance of being shipwrecked as being more able than him. Elmhirst explains the dynamic, His wife was not only more able but more disciplined. She could take a tin of food and eat it slowly, spoonful by spoonful, even when starving. While on the onset and maybe to most people it was easily seen that Maralyn was dependent upon Maurice as he knew the most about sailing their boat from point A to point B. But the Elmhirst exposes the unseen. Elmhirst sheds light on how Maurice was dependent upon Maralyn. She explores love as a teacher instructing us as to how we might better ourselves through our partnerships and through those in our inner circles. And yes, even the Maurices of the world, who are deserving of love despite their difficult personalities can find their teachers or their Maralyns. Elmhirst imparts a wisdom of love learned only through hardship, The old vows knew what they were doing: for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health. The storms are right there in their words. Whether your love can weather them in the storms is known only after the shipwreck not at the party. Love—It’s Not Only Found in Romance Novels was originally published in Books Are Our Superpower on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.